PERFECT TRAGEDY

The Story of Bonnie and Clyde

2012-01-18T01:59:00.006+08:00

1934 Bonnie Parker
You've read the story of Jesse James--
Of how he lived and died;

If you're still in need
Of something to read
Here's the story of Bonnie and Clyde.
Now Bonnie and Clyde are the Barrow gang.

I'm sure you all have read
How they rob and steal
And those who squeal
Are usually found dying or dead.

There's lots of untruths to these write-ups;
They're not so ruthless as that;
Their nature is raw;
They hate the law--
The stool pigeons, spotters, and rats.

They call them cold-blooded killers;
They say they are heartless and mean;
But I say this with pride,
That I once knew Clyde
When he was honest and upright and clean.

But the laws fooled around,
Kept taking him down
And locking him up in a cell,
Till he said to me,
"I'll never be free,
So I'll meet a few of them in hell."

The road was so dimly lighted;
There were no highway signs to guide;
But they made up their minds
If all roads were blind,
They wouldn't give up till they died.

The road gets dimmer and dimmer;
Sometimes you can hardly see;
But it's fight, man to man,
And do all you can,
For they know they can never be free.

From heart-break some people have suffered;
From weariness some people have died;
But take it all in all,
Our troubles are small
Till we get like Bonnie and Clyde.

If a policeman is killed in Dallas,
And they have no clue or guide;
If they can't find a fiend,
They just wipe their slate clean
And hang it on Bonnie and Clyde.

There's two crimes committed in America
Not accredited to the Barrow mob;
They had no hand
In the kidnap demand,
Nor the Kansas City Depot job.

A newsboy once said to his buddy:
"I wish old Clyde would get jumped;
In these awful hard times
We'd make a few dimes
If five or six cops would get bumped."

The police haven't got the report yet,
But Clyde called me up today;
He said, "Don't start any fights--
We aren't working nights--
We're joining the NRA."

From Irving to West Dallas viaduct
Is known as the Great Divide,
Where the women are kin,
And the men are men,
And they won't "stool" on Bonnie and Clyde.

If they try to act like citizens
And rent them a nice little flat,
About the third night
They're invited to fight
By a sub-gun's rat-tat-tat.

They don't think they're too smart or desperate,
They know that the law always wins;
They've been shot at before,
But they do not ignore
That death is the wages of sin.

Some day they'll go down together;
They'll bury them side by side;
To few it'll be grief--
To the law a relief--
But it's death for Bonnie and Clyde.

The Story of Suicide Sal

2012-01-18T01:49:00.001+08:00

Bonnie Parker 1932

We each of us have a good "alibi"
For being down here in the "joint;"
But few of them really are justified
If you get right down to the point.
You've heard of a woman's glory
Being spent on a "downright cur,"
Still you can't always judge the story
As true, being told by her.
As long as I've stayed on this "island,"
And heard "confidence tales" from each "gal,"
Only one seemed interesting and truthful ---
The story of "Suicide Sal."
Now "Sal" was a gal of rare beauty,
Though her features were coarse and tough;
She never once faltered from duty
To play on the "up and up."
"Sal" told me this take on the evening
Before she was turned out "free,"
And I'll do my best to relate it
Just as she told it to me:
I was born on a ranch in Wyoming;
Not treated like Helen of Troy;
I was taught that "rods are rulers"
And "ranked" as a greasy cowboy.
Then I left my old home for the city
To play in its mad dizzy whirl,
Not knowing how little pity
It holds for a country girl.
There I fell for "the line" of a "henchman,"
A "professional killer" from "Chi;"
I couldn't help loving him madly;
For him even now I would die.
One year we were desperately happy;
Our "ill gotten gains" we spent free;
I was taught the ways of the "underworld;"
Jack was just like a "god" to me.
I got on the "F.B.A." payroll
To get the "inside lay" of the "job;"
The bank was "turning big money!"
It looked like a "cinch" for the "mob."
Eighty grand without even a "rumble"-
Jack was the last with the "loot" in the door,
When the"teller" dead-aimed a revolver
From where they forced him to the floor.
I knew I had only a moment -
He would surely get Jack as he ran;
So I "staged a ""big fade out" beside him
And knocked the forty-five out of his hand.
They "rapped me down big" at the station,
And informed me that I'd get the blame
For the "dramatic stunt" pulled on the "teller"
Looked to them too much like a "game."
The "police" called it a "frame-up,"
Said it was an "inside job,"
But I steadily denied any knowledge
Or dealings with "underworld mobs,"
The "gang" hired a couple of lawyers,
The best "fixers" in any man's town,
But it takes more than lawyers and money
When Uncle Sam starts "shaking you down."
I was charged as a "scion of gangland"
And tried for my wages of sin;
The "dirty dozen" found me guilty -
From five to fifty years in the pen.
I took the "rap" like good people,
And never one "squawk" did I make.
Jack "dropped himself"on the promise
That we make a "sensational break."
Well, to shorten a sad lengthy story,
Five years have gone over my head
Without even so much as a letter -
At first I thought he was dead.
But not long ago I discovered
From a gal in the joint named Lyle,
That Jack and he "moll" had "got over"
And were living in true "gangster style."
If he had returned to me sometime,
Though he hadn't a cent to give,
I'd forget all this hell that he's caused me,
And love him as long as I live.
But there's no chance of his ever coming,
For he and his moll have no fears
But that I will die in prison,
Or "flatten" this fifty years.
Tomorrow I'll be on the "outside"
And I'll "drop myself" on it today:
I'll "bump 'em" if they give me the "hotsquat"
On this island out here in the bay …
The iron doors swung wide next morning
For a gruesome woman of waste,
Who at last had a chance to "fix it."
Murder showed in her cynical face.
Not long ago I read in the paper
That a gal on the East Side got "hot,"
And when the smoke finally retreated,
Two of gangdom were found "on the spot."
It related the colorful story
Of a "jilted gangster gal."
Two days later, a "sub-gun" ended
The story of "Suicide Sal."

Curious as I am and intrigue by Jason's bewilder tweets, when he mentioned Bonnie and Clyde on one of his tweet, I had to google it. So I read the wikipedia page on Bonnie and Clyde and instantly, they became one of my favorite couples for history's sake, along side Sid and Nancy, what a tragic love stories.

10 Lessons Learnt in 2011

2011-12-31T09:29:00.003+08:00

.39am...... Saturday... 31st December 2011

1. Sex is all boys can think about.

2. True friends are hard to find, harder to keep.

3. Learnt to let go and accept life as it is.

4. Be more open and less pessimistic.

5. Life is cruel because people made it cruel.

6. Leave behind people who puts you down just so they can be on top. I don't need those kind of 'friendship'.

7. Stop contemplating, just do it!

8. Love those who loves and appreciates me, discard the other disturbing feelings.

9. Most times, patience is the key.

10. Life ain't that bad if you're surrounded with the right people.

Love is an illusion

2011-12-31T08:50:00.002+08:00

When I was inquired if I've ever been in love, crossed my heart, I have no idea. What is thing called love? What's the big hoo-haa about it? Now let me rationalize my perspective of 'Love' to you.

Love is not just a feeling. Love is an illusion. You love when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and abused by the person or situation or things.

If you think that someone is ‘the love of your life’, you are sick and delusional. Why would you think that way? It is because you see the person as perfect or that you chose to think you accepted his/her flaws as the qualities that made the person special to you.

Do you see what I’m saying?

I’m suggesting that you think a particular person is ‘the love of your life’ because you chose to think that way; you chose to look at the bright side, the good qualities in the person and block the negative things about the person or convert the bad qualities to your various asinine heroic story or just call it ‘special’. Heck, you may even delude yourself into thinking every little things the person do are cute and meaningful.

It is not cute nor meaningful. Its life. It happened, that’s it. Nothing more.

So in another words, you are not in love with the person; you are in love with your highly undoubtedly great imagination/delusion of the person that you formed in your mind. Or shall I say, you’re in love with the ideal idea of which you picture the person to be.

Do you get what I mean?

So when people ask me again, if I believe in true love?

Think I believe my delusions are more true and powerful.

Quote of the day "Mind over matter, my love."

Poetic when I'm half past Sane.

2011-12-31T06:28:00.003+08:00

Knife me through the heart cause I'm done living. Stab me once or twice but im no longer hurting. When I'm black and blue i am of no use.
Love you when you dont. I'm foolish. Stab me cause you can i'm too trusting. Beat me black&blue I love you. Slap me left and right I'm done with you.
Cause in the darkness I see brightness in you. When the lights are off demons emerge. I fear you not cause I trust you.
In a mental state of mind, you're beautiful. Tell me what you like I'll fullfill you. Cause when the world is bright it scares me.
Between the dark and light, all seems alright. Peace will never come but I'll be fine, broken.
Nothing is right, something is wrong. You and I will never go wrong. Burn me in to flames, I love the pain. Skin on fire, it's no comparision to the flame in my heart it burns for you.
When the bird sings in the lighter days. We sing when we're in pain. Darkness is no competition to the darkess thoughts in our brain.
Free me? There's no cage. No solid ones but its in my head. Free me, not physically but from the demons of my deceased mental state.
So shoot me I beg of you. But the more I beg the more you thrill. It's saddening but that's a man's will.
i'm not a bird im a raccoon. Come out at night, the dark's my saviour. Surviving on junk. At least im living. But breathing aint living.
Sun is up. Everyone's asleep. Bite my tongue. I shall not weep.
Too young to die. Too old to live. When I die there's no glory. Just a stone cold grave.
Color me red is all I see. Tear me apart piece my piece. Maybe perhaps you'll be at ease. That makes one of us at least.

Written on 24th of December, 2011 by Psych Shu Ee.

Mentally Exhausted

2011-11-28T23:54:00.002+08:00

1.11pm (make a wish quick!)... Saturday..... November 28 2011

A lot had happened even before the last blog post before this.

Drama with my Theater lecturer about my qualification to perform for Final Examination because I will be absent for a week to go to Australia. I was told that I strictly cannot participate for Finals if I choose to go ahead with my personal leave. It was totally absurd as there were at least 4 weeks until Finals. In the end, everyone compromised and I was saved by my kindhearted groupmates.

Australia was fun. To a certain point. I had the best and worst times of my life there. Best in terms that I finally fulfilled one of my dreams to travel to a western country; I love the weather and people there; I had a great time shopping and sight-seeing. Worst times, why? I had horrible sleep because of my inconsiderable sisters. My youngest sister, for some unknown reason, kept picking fight with me and my eldest sister was no help at all, she'd sometimes side her against me. We were rushing here and there. It was in my personal hell with two demons, i tell you.

For the two weeks after I came back from Australia, I was stressing to catch up. All the tests, assignments and presentations piling up and to be done within these two weeks. I'm sure I did not experience jet-lag but there were definitely something wrong with me. Maybe it's stress and anxiety, as I couldnt sleep right. I cant remained asleep to be exact. My thoughts were everywhere, worrying about everything and anything. I had the appetite of an anorexic. The first week back, I barely eat or sleep. Spent 90% of my waking time in campus and the rest of my time forcing myself to sleep.

My assignments are easy peasy, but with my mind trying to grab hold of everything, it strained too hard and stretched too far for me to even get anything done properly. Sigh.

Oh, not to mention my baby boy Bobby left me and has gone to a better place. 10 years of friendship, gone with only memories left. A decade he had provided us with joy and security. I miss him dearly. But I didnt have a proper period of time to grieve for my lost. He left on the 5th of November and my flight was on the 6th. I didnt come back till the 15th of November. When I came back, I had so much to worry about, I barely have time for myself. Sigh.

I want to sleep like a baby again. I want to go back to my stress-free self where I can just say FUCK IT and not give a damn. Kill me. Let me rest in peace.

Quote of the day "Guess we all come undone time to time in different ways. Well i have myself to blame, guess I dont understand I need help in many ways"

R.I.P BOBBY JUNE 2002- NOV,5TH 2011

2011-11-05T16:58:00.001+08:00

4.55pm...... Saturday.... November 5th 2011

Rest in Peace BOBBY

June 2002- November 5 2011

My best friend, My loyal companion,

My Guardian Angel.

Love You Forever.

Breaking's what your heart is for

2011-10-12T17:15:00.000+08:00

4.46pm...... Wednesday...... October 12, 2011

This week's theme revolves around the general meaning of the word "Breaking". The trend may have started few days ago when I broke my drumstick. I didnt think much of it though until I started seeing similar signs. On Monday, I had a flat tyre, Tuesday I was late for Biology lab while Wednesday, which is this morning, I found one of my tom-tom broke. It totally broke my heart. I have no idea who did it or was I the one who accidentally broke it the same time I broke my drumstick?

I dont know. This whole week just didnt feel right. I sense the negativity from the start. Shit just kept happening. The same morning I had a flat tyre, I found scratches along the side of driver side's door. Fuck. The worst part about that morning was that I had a Psychology test! Ohwells, I didnt let that bring me down. Then came Tuesday the whole day just dont seem right either, I got screwed for being late or should I say 'didnt show up' for lab. I was dead tired. Then I realized why was I so tired these past few days.

This morning was the last straw, I cant take it anymore. Woke up feeling like shit, to find my tom-tom broke. It was all fine still until I went to campus. Oh I should've known better to reach campus in time because of the massive parking problem. While finding a parking, I accidentally scraped the side of my car against another parked car. THAT was all I can take. Fuck classes, fuck the fucking campus parking, I went straight home and slept it off.

Now I feel disconnected. Disconnected from people. Disconnected from myself. I need to reassess my priorities. Delete and move on. Two weeks ago I was blissful. Now I just want to skip town.

Quote of the day "JUST GET UP AND GO!!"

Growing up.

2011-10-02T20:24:00.002+08:00

7.46pm.... 2nd October 2011...... Sunday

There's something about sitting in Starbucks by myself that is so nostalgic. To a certain point, I am content to be in this moment. I wish the time will stop ticking. I wish that I will never think about the things that I wanted but is not mine to take. I want this feeling of content to last but it is rather impossible, isn't it? We're only human; it is in our instinct to crave for more, we are one greedy creature.

Sometimes I find it hard to grasp that I am actually nineteen already; the last year of teen-hood. The degree of change I've gone through is unbelievably drastic. No, I do not mean the physical changes. I meant the psychological changes; the mind works and emotions. I fear I am no longer an angst-filled teenager. I feel betrayed by my own self. It is very much ridiculous. But honestly, I love the hate-filled me. The new patient, grown up Shu Ee is not at all interesting. Rather dry and boring, I say.

Nineteen. I will be hitting twenty next year. Why cant time just stop. Just stop. Reverse back to four years ago when I had the time of my life ruling the school and rebelling in the name of "Just cause I can". I don't want to grow up. Things just suddenly lost its thrills when you're officially a grown up. The thrill of rebelling without a cause, taking chances and risks to do the things we shouldn't do or wasn't of age to do. All those excitement dies as we age. Now the every steps you make and every risks you take will one way or another affect your life. This really just simply suck.

Quote of the day "Alone, left alone, watch her slowly disappear with time."

Never Take Friendship Personal.

2011-09-27T23:11:00.001+08:00

10.52pm....... Tuesday.....27 September 2011

Sometimes when you're being stupid, you need a voice of reason. And that's when a good friend comes in. Because besides your family, a close friend or a good friend is probably one of the first person you confront or rant about your problems or complications. Thus when I'm being stupid and my mind couldn't or refused to think reasonably, this is when I need a true friend to be the voice of reason. If you think I cant handle the truth, you are awfully wrong. Sometimes, it is better to be warn first than going headstrong into deep shit and learn the lessons after making the mistakes. I rather know what's coming and the mistakes I'm about to make.

Friendships are usually formed due to common interests and stuff like that. In my opinion, a strong friendship is when the two person are not afraid to tell each other the truth when the other person's being ridiculous. Say what you need to say, and if the other party cant take it, it's their lost. But of course, be careful how you phrase it, you don't want to break your friend's heart, confidence, trust, or believe. Well, who would've known being a friend has so many responsibilities eh?

Quote of the day "One move leads to another. It's called the Butterfly Effect."

What about being human?

2011-09-23T19:24:00.001+08:00

7.01pm.... Friday.....23 September 2011

Humans are such uncanny creature. We are different from animals because of our virtues, moral values, intelligence and what not? But then again, why does some people act like animals? Why are there murders, rapes, cheats, tortures happening all around the world? What happened to the virtues that kept us humane? Oh the sad cruel world.

But think about it, what makes you do the things you do? Are you born this way? Was that person born to be a criminal? Are gay people born gay or choose to be gay? It doesnt matter. Some times, we do certain things out of social cultural pressure or upbringing.

Why does your heart bleed for the person who doesnt love you when you know straight up that you should brush it off and be moving on? Sometimes it's not that easy due to some uncanny reason or responsibility. Sometimes, we just want to be hurt to feel something plainly because we're only human. Honestly, if you want to move on, you can. Trust that your mind is stronger than your metaphorical heart. Logic is a more powerful reason than feelings. I am able to move on because of all things that I believe in, I believe in my logic the most. The only times when believe is weak about certain things is when my logic couldnt make out a clear explanation of why is it like that.

(i lost my train of thoughts, maybe it'll come back to me and this blogpost may be more understandable.)

Quote of the day "Love is just a word you think or hope you know."

Held the world in arm's length.

2011-08-29T01:41:00.002+08:00

1.28am....Monday....29 August 2011

It is hard to please everyone. No, I stand corrected; it is impossible to please everyone. Sure, you might make certain people happy for a while, but humans are born greedy, they will always want more and thus, sooner or later you will eventually be taken advantage of. All right, so what if you did managed to fight the odds and satisfied everyone around you, but what about yourself? You might think you’ll be happy as long as others are, but honestly, think about it. You’re constantly be thinking and caring about other people’s feeling, but what about your feelings? Is it worth it to frustrate yourself, constantly worrying and cracking your mind to keep the peace with and among your social group? Are you any happier then you think you would feel if you please every of other people’s wants and needs? At one point you’re going to explode. You know exactly what causes it but you don’t how to deal with it because you’re simply too kind and nice of a person. Honestly speaking, you’re a simple case of a ‘push over.’

Well, how did I deal with these kinds of pressure? I thought hard and weighed the pros and cons. Well, obviously the cons trumps the pros so I just let go. I decided to stop caring; I stop trying to please anybody but myself. Why? Because I was so angry and frustrated with those so called ‘support groups’. Hate was a feeling that ease in so very easily and I embraced it with an open heart because I squeezed all my love and care out of my heart. Eventually, I stop listening too. After all the hurt and anger phase passes, emptiness is all I can feel about just about anything. I have mutual or shall I say, neither like nor dislike for anything. It was just hallow and empty inside. It’s vacant. But I am fine and dandy. I may have problem reconnecting with ‘human beings’ but all is good when you’re neutral. I care just enough to keep myself from getting hurt, I listened enough to keep a friendship. I get to choose to be the tool. I am in control and distant.

And thus I strongly advise you to go against what I did. If ever you were caught in situations like this, you just need a few confrontations. First off, confront with your own feelings and self-worth. You should know you’re worth more than you give yourself credit for. Then, confront the person that’s causing all these unnecessary pain. What gives them the right to put you through this waking nightmare anyway? They have no power to do so unless you let them. Stand up for yourself cause nobody else can do so, and the satisfaction would be all yours when the problem is solved. Say, if the confrontation with the other party went down the path that is not to your liking, just remember, we are born with free will, if they choose to leave so they are destined to only cross your path of life and teach you a lesson. Learn the lessons and recognized it so that you wont repeat it in the future. There’s no point crying over spilled milk, so move on with your life and there will be many other people of different walks of life that will enter yours and might stay for good.

Quote of the day "Keep in mind; you are not alone unless you choose to be."

this is a post inspired by a friend. In my opinion, she held her world in arm's length.

Moving on with life

2011-08-26T02:33:00.001+08:00

2.09am..... Friday.....26 August 2011

Despite all the shits that's been happening in my life, I move on. I keep moving on because it is the right thing to do; because it is the only thing I can do. I find it pointless to waste what's left of my time being remorseful, regretting or feeling bad for myself and what's left of my rotten reputation. Think about it, nothing's going to change what has happened; nothing's going to prevent more bad things from happening. You know no matter how far you run, the memories are still going to hunt you down like a dog and haunt you like a fucking ghost.

So what's left to do? Brace yourself, be brave, chin up and face the problem, deal with the demon and go on with your life. I move on in order to create more memories and experiences to stack up against and block out the bad ones. Leave every bad screwed up shit behind, and move on. Just keep walking with your head up high and never to look back. I move on because I need to, because there's no other ways to deal with shits of life.

In contradiction to my dogma above, does moving on is considered as another term from running away? You see, if you moved on from your past by changing your surrounding and people you used to hang out with, it is a way of 'moving on' but it also meant that you're running away from your past.

Well, food for thought. I'll leave you to it. Cheerio.

Quote of the day "I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours."

The Road Less Travelled

2011-08-23T00:55:00.001+08:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both 

And be one traveller, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference  ...

by Robert Frost

This is one of my favorite poems we studied back in High School. And it is apparently Mat Devine's favorite poem too.

If you don't know already, I look up to Mat Devine a lot.

Maybe it's because he has a huge genuine and caring heart. Or maybe he's simply a great musician. Or that he's so talented that he land himself a part in Spiderman on broadway. Or maybe I just love his mind work, so quirky and a little hint of sarcasm and plentiful genius. I'm sure I've mentioned Mat kept a blog on Fuse.tv.com called Raccoon Society in it he encourages fans or troubled people in general to post up questions about their problems and he'll respond through a new post or video posts to help those people.

You see, Mat Devine to me is not just another musician crush. He is tangible. He's down to earth. No, he's the salt of the earth. He reach out to people and people respond to his kindness.

Quote of the day "Be Tangible. Be Real."

If only we live in a dream than reality

2011-08-02T13:50:00.003+08:00

1.34pm.......Tuesday.... 2nd August 2011

To understand what I am about to describe about my dream/nightmare, you have to first understand my tweet hours before the dream/nightmare,
At 10:38am 1st August, I tweeted; "concentrate. concentrade. concern tray. concert day? CONCERT DAY! what?!?!!?! fuck. CONCENTRATE. ;{"

Now about my dream/nightmare,
I dreamt that Linkin Park came to perform a concert in Malaysia. It's sort of a surprise, or rather sudden unannounced concert, that's happening the next day when I heard about it. In my dream, I was struggling to decide if I want to go, which doesnt make sense because Linkin Park is one of the top band in my list of bands to see live before i die.
So finally I decided to go, and it's too late, the concert starts at 8pm but it is already 8.30pm. And another obstacle was that my concert buddy aka my bestfriend aka Tricia couldnt decide if she wants to go or not. For some reason, I wont go if she dont.
All in all it was a very twisted dream that closely relate to the elements in my reality life and the obstacle/problems I'm going through now.

To break down my dream and relate it to the elements in my reality,
Linkin Park represents, unfortunately, my examinations.
To go or not to go to the concert, represents to study for the exams or not?
Bestfriend, represents my lazyness, meaning all I want is to have fun.

Get it now?
If you dont, it doesnt matter. I just very into my mind work and thinking :)

Quote of the day: "I'm fucked forever, If you don't mind, I don't mind~ don't mind."

Counter Ordinary

2011-07-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

12.53am..... Thursday...28 July 2011

It is odd to me when people actually sincerely ask about my wellbeing and etceteras. I can simply shrug off the non-chalant "how are you doing?" but when the said question is uttered with attached sincerity and genuine care, it totally weird me out. It may not make a difference for an average man like you, but its a big HuHa in my little world. It felt odd even when Dad inquired about my studies and stuff or simply asking how am I doing in school or what am I doing now, weird me out.

Maybe I'm just so used to solitude and independence. Its silly but I find it hard to actually literally open my mouth to ask for help, unless it is offered. I generally doesnt like to be dependent of anybody (except financially from my parents for now, even then I have difficulty asking for more money. Unlike some self-rightieous people, sometimes I dont feel like I deserve anything.) even if I have to fail the subject or hurt myself to get things done, I would take the chances. May be it is the lack of trust I have for people in general that causes me to prefer solo work than group work.

Anyhow, why am I so weird that the little things that weird me out is the common shit that people experience daily?
Oh well oh well, different life, different story.

Quote of the day "There she goes a little heartache, There she goes a little pain~"

Twin Tower Live Concerts 2011 featuring HOOBASTANK!

2011-07-25T04:12:00.000+08:00

I'd like to take back all that I've said

2011-06-04T20:39:00.001+08:00

8.26pm..... Saturday.... 4/6/11

I take back what I said from the post before this. I am fucking ugly. in other word; Fucgly.

I had nothing much to say at this point. I really really just want to be else where. I dont want to stay here in a standstill. Why cant anyone hear my cry for help. Oh please, I know the answer for that; they dont fucking want to help. Hence, the only help I need is in a form of a lot of fucking money so I can run away and never come back. I dont care how I'll end up (probably dead in a ditch somewhere).

I am convinced that I am helpless.
Let me rot in hell.

Quote of the day "Nothing changes except the names, faces, and the trends. To some idiots, high school never ends."

Things are starting to look up~

2011-05-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

Truth is....
I've never felt pretty....

Not until recently....
...not until I saw the product of the photography session with my bestfriend Tricia (the photographer).

Oxymoron in my head.

2011-05-11T07:12:00.000+08:00

6.51am........Wednesday......11 May 2011

I am bound to regret deciding to not sleep. Oh wells, I am bound to regret many things and why not add another one too? But then again, if I were to regret this decision, why would I do it in the first place?? So I guess by the end of the day, I don't really regret my decisions. Therefore, I may conclude that I live my live with no regrets, yes?

But sad to say, my biggest regret yet is to keep breathing; staying alive. Then again, it is nothing much to regret about as I get to live a life and get to collect experiences through out my journey, despite having a rough one.

Nevertheless, your life is yours to judge and stir. If one were to think one has a rough life, then it shall be as one live its life that way. Conversely, if one were to view their life more differently, say positively, one may have a rather bright life. It is just the matter of how you sees it, which in turn would effect majority of your life decisions.

Hmm.. life. that's one big complex labyrinth to figure out. In my opinion, those who have figure out the key to life usually ends up dead very soon after their unfortunate prodigious discovery.

Quote of the day : "Life is full of oxymoron"

Why are you such a Weirdo?

2011-05-10T02:41:00.000+08:00

2.14pm........... Tuesday...........10 May 2011

I pretty much believe in Karma, you know; what goes around, comes around. So I guess I indirectly believe that people are born for a purpose. Our lives are set in stone before we were even actually born. So that explains why there's such case as one of the twin fetus consumed its twin sibling in its mother's womb (This was from an episode of Criminal Minds. The surviving fetus turned out to be a sociopath. But then again, it's just a fictional show.) Therefore, I believe everything happen for a purpose.

Hahaha. Well, that's one troubling idea isn't it? I guess I do have a strange mind, extra-ordinary way of explaining reality and life.

Anyway,
I'm on ADP's first semester break at the moment for 2 weeks. This is the second week. Despite having a rather boring holiday, I didn't miss college at all. Maybe it's because this is my second year of college and I've already studied so many years and gone through so much shit. Ohwells.
I've concluded that practically everyone thinks I'm a weirdo and several, a potential sociopath. Or maybe that conclusion came from my undoubtedly paranoia? Gosh. I'm such a paranoid kid.

Quote of the day : "Hello 2011, You're full of Experiences; You are full of SHIT."

What Have I Signed Up For?!

2011-04-15T18:57:00.000+08:00

6.35pm.......Friday......15 April 2011

This has been the most busiest, exhausting, stressful 3 weeks of my first semester! Everything now comes in a rush. It is always the first three days of the weekdays that are full with important dates and deadlines. But anyhow, when Friday comes, all the worries would make no sense. Friday, I love you. But that doesnt mean I'm going to write an irritating song and sing about it. Hah.

Well, next week will be the last week of my first Winter semester. I will sit for two final examinations the following week. Good thing about American educational system is that the subjects doesnt get old. I mean, they dont drag from first semester to the second, unlike British system. Gah. For this semester, I was assigned 3 course subjects which are English 101, Interpersonal Communication, and Calculus For Business 161. Thank goodness there's no finals for English, but I'm going to suffer next week for that with Impromptu and 3rd essay assignment that will have to be written in class. So, I'm only going to sit for two finals; IPC and Calculus. I'm fine with IPC but Calculus' the one that's killing me. After so many years of Mathematical practice and Calculus terror, I'm still horrified by it I had a week of restless sleep and nightmares because of a 15% Calculus Quiz. It's crazy!

Besides all that shit, I've been going out a lot especially on Fridays! Awesome. I just came back from Pyramid today after weeks of not going that place. Oh! Another good news; I'm getting a MacBook Pro! I havent tell my siblings yet. There's a big chances they might flip. like literally. flip.

OH! I'm sure you know of the 2days Twin Tower Live concert on Friday and Saturday. I went on Friday because Hoobastank was in the line-up! <3 It was the best despite not having the front view. They played couple of new songs that they were working on and it sounds beautiful! Cant wait for Hoobastank new album! :) Oh! We also found out that Bunk Face lead singer Sam has a side-project band called the Azenders who was one of the opening act for Hoobastank. They sound amazing. Sam looked sizzling hot. Tricia and I thought he was someone else and we totally gushed on him thinking he was someone else, some new possibly mix-foreign dude. We actually dissed 'Sam' from Bunk Face and compared it to the person on stage. Neither do we know, they were actually the same person. WTF.

Quote "JUST. DO IT." - Nike.

The Current Colors in my Life.

2011-03-31T17:45:00.001+08:00

5.34pm.....Thursday......31/3/2011

This morning as I was in the library, packing my stuff to head to class, I realized my pencil box, handphone, iPod and water tumbler have the matching/similar colours. Its all black and white. Plus, today I wore a black top and a baby blue pants with a navy blue flats, carrying a white bag. Everything I have have matching and or similar colours! WTF? I've concluded that I am a sad boring girl. My closet contains 60% Black color, 10% navy Blue and 10% dark Green and only 20% of other colours. Same goes to my footwear ~.~!

In conclusion, I need more colors and diversity in my life. This includes the people I mix with. :)

Quote of the day "Life is full of color, dont indulge on only one color."

Life is about Balance.

2011-03-21T02:40:00.000+08:00

2.09am.... Monday.....21/3/2011

Gosh! I always wanted to blog, but couldnt find time, or sometimes no internet or the mood to blog. But hey, its been a month and I have lots to report.

ADP has been treating me good. Made loads of friends cause people are generally more open and friendly here. I've been rather busy, busy with assignments, quizes and deadlines, but its all alright cause I like it. I love being busy. Its rather exhausting but I find myself addicted to this kind of hectic lifestyle. That is because its not all just about work and more work, its about balancing work and play and me-time. I think I have a good footing on trying to balance them all.

Oh I've been out quite a lot. But I usually have Sunday to myself. A Sunday to sleep off my sleep-debt, catch up with some readings or laze around house. Mmmhmm. Anyways, I'm happy to have loads of friends (I was a very darn sad lonely girl, not that i'm not now, but less lonely.) Been chilling with out and over-spending. Oh so much for saving my allowance for a getaway. But its all good.

So yeah, I hope I wont jinx it by saying; Life's good. for now. :)

Quote of the day "Maybe I'm confused because I've never felt these positive feelings?"

ADP!!

2011-02-18T10:29:00.002+08:00

10:28am........ Friday..... 18 feb 2011

There's been a lot going on in this past month; Chinese New Year just ended, Valentines day was 3 days ago, we did our traditional CNY house visiting last weekend (it was the best, topping last year's) and I have enrolled and now am a American Degree Program student in Taylors University.

It's was kind of a rash decision just like my any other educational decisions I had to make for myself or else who would?? I enrolled on the day before the orientation itself. It was really hectic and complicated day as my dad was having doubt on me and the fact that I was sick as a dog ( still am).

Anyhow, this was my first week of ADP and it went well. We had a Valentines day party last night. Pretty fun and interesting way to make friends and interact. But somehow, I've been feeling so hectic and tired all the time. Think it's because I have a schedule to follow now, which is a good thing and a bad thing I guess.

And now it's Friday, my timetable on Friday is pretty much empty except for the one hour of English class in the morning and I am done for the day. What to do? What to do when my friends are having classes still? Yawns.
Heck! I don't even know what date is today!! Shit!

Like, Seriously, WHAT NEXT???

2011-01-11T01:50:00.001+08:00

1.29am.......Tuesday.....11/1/11

Wow! Today's 11.1.11!!!

Its decided, I'm going to take some time off before continue studying. I dont really like the idea of not having plans and schedules but guess I'll just have to deal with it. Part of me thinks that this 'time-off' is a bloody waste of time and life. Another part of me knows damn well I'm still at lost of what I want to engage in. So I guess its wise not to be headstrong and rush into a Degree program that I will eventually hate myself for; just like I did for S.A.M., just because I dont want to waste time loitering around or getting a pointless job. All I want is to get the fuck out of this country, but I shouldnt make a rash decision in the name of fucking outta this country. Oh wells.

I initially wanted to venture into a Law degree in HELP university, but their January intake has already begun; this week to be exact. I'm not entirely sure I would like studying Law. Hence, my parents and siblings for that matter think I should get some experience working in a law firm before doing the degree. They said its good to learn while working there and to see if I would like the environment and lifestyle a lawyer leads. I object to the idea of wasting time on others and working my ass off for the sake of 'experience' and little salary they pay. I'm fine with my allowance I'm given now, I dont need a job! My allowance is probably the same amount of what they would pay me for the job. To keep me interested, my Dad said I can keep my allowance plus the salary from the job. Tempting, but I'm not that money-face.

Anyhow, I'm now looking for more options, going deeper in my research for a degree that would suit my liking and interest. So far, from what I've seen, there's only THIS many shit to study on. Its either degree on Business, Finance, Mass Com, Psychology, Law, Accounting, Doctor, Engineering and other science degrees I didnt even want to look at (from High School I develop a hatred on Science subjects)!

So... to fill in my broad length of time.. imma take up some class that I've always wanted to learn!!
1. Art.
2.. Language (French, German, Spanish, Italian)
3. Rock Climbing
4. Guitar
5. Drum (I took drum lessons two years back, but I quit due to SPM. Now i have time to continue!)

Quote of the day "The key to your future is knowing what you want. So, what DO I want?"

LAST YEAR OF TEEN

2011-01-04T11:44:00.000+08:00

11.34am.......... Tuesday......4/1/2011

oh, have you heard?

I'M NINETEEN NOW!

Last year of Teen-hood!

LETS MAKE IT COUNT!

Most of my presents are still pending.

which really kills.

sucks.

IN YOUR FACE WORLD!!

2011-01-02T12:56:00.001+08:00

12.38pm.........Sunday......2/1/2011

First of all,

I'd like to say Happy New Year.

Have a FABULOUS FUNTASTIC AWESOME NEW YEAR 2011!!!

Secondly,

FUCK YOU WORLD!!!

*middle finger*

I FUCKING PASSED Self-Abuse Matriculation (SAM aka, South Australia Matriculation)

FUCK YOOOOOUUU

-that is exactly what i'm feeling now-

Lessons Learnt in 2010

2010-12-28T04:09:00.000+08:00

1. Have some confidence in myself.

2. Trust my gut feelings.

3. Nobody can convey sarcasm through text message.

4. I can be whoever I want to be. With a snap of a finger.

5. Not to judge a book by its cover.

6. Trust the right person, not every person.

7. Last minute studying dont work in college.

8. When it comes to friends, its not the number that counts.

9. Nothing last forever. Cherish and live the moment.

10. Love is overrated. It makes no sense.

Quote of the day "10 lessons learnt in 2010."

Comic Fiesta 2010

2010-12-27T09:16:00.003+08:00

8.36am...... Monday......27/12/2010

[ The story goes back to 19th December, a Sunday night respectively.]

I was blooody bored at home watching Grey's Anatomy season 2 marathon by myself. At 2am in the morning, I received a text from Chuan Hoong asking if I have glue at home. Curious, I asked him what for? I guessed that they needed glue to make their Cosplay costumes, which I had guessed right. I was so bored and desperate to get out and do something that I volunteered to go 7Eleven to buy glue for them and went to Le King's house where they were preparing their costumes.

When I reached, I saw 4 groggy boys (Chuan Hoong, Le King, Weng Shen and Wai Zen) who were in desperate need of sleep but determined to finish making their Cosplay costumes and gadgets. Apparently, they needed the glue to make a "sand bag" for Chuan Hoong's gadget. They coiled up some wires into two spheres and joined them together as an outline of the shape of the "sand bag". In the end, they gave up using glue and paper as the glue took too long to dry and they were only half way done and had no time to waste. We end up using clothe for the outter skin of the "sand bag" instead. I helped them sow it up. =.=?

Wai Zen went home at 4am and the rest of them were dying. After I finished sowing, we all went into Le King's room. They slept while I watched Astro TV in the room. I watched 2 movies in total. Oh the only reason I didnt sleep was because I was nocturnal and very much insomniac (my bed time at that moment was 8am). I woke them up at 8am and then I drove home while they went home too to bathe and bought stuff to complete their costumes.

I didnt fall asleep until 11am in the morning cause I was soo darn excited for the Comic Fiesta (it just came onto me). May Shuen and Theresa were going so I checked if they would dressed up. May Shuen told me she was going as a 'School girl' and Theresa as a 'Punk'. So I thought, why not go a little Gothic? I just bought a nice black long dressed few days ago.

Later, I was woken up by Weng Shen's call at 12pm. We planned to hit the road at 1pm. The boys went to the saloon to get their hair sprayed with respective color of the character they Cosplay as. Le King sprayed Blue, Wai Zen's silver and Weng Shen (going as Euki) sprayed green! Chuan Hoong dyed his hair red a few days before just because his character "Gaara" from Naruto.

We gathered at Le King's house again at 1pm. I helped with their make up and stuff then off we go at 2pm to Times Square. When we reached, it was already 3pm and I was famish. We went to the convention hall and there were alot of people in costumes. Pretty awesome.

We had a bet to see who would receive more request by other people to take picture with them. And obviously, Chuan Hoong won because he was the only one who's wearing real (bought from Singapore) GAARA costume and geared up with the "Sand Bag" we made him. Hahaha. At the end of the day, I recieved 2 requests to take picture with even though I wasnt in any sort of costume and just because I was carrying a cool-ass sword Lawrence Gan bought, people thought I was some sort of an Anime character. The other boys lost! =P Booo!

Lawrence Gan's character requires him to take show off one of his nipple (ahahah) but he wouldnt take off the shirt! His character originally only wraps bandage on his stomach and across one of the shoulder.

Preeeettty ler? I did the eyeliner for Chuan Hoong's "GAARA" character and they used my lipstick to write some Chinese word on his forehead.(Eww)

Chuan Hoong's no in the picture because we made him take a picture of us (the ones who helped make the "Sand Bag" -that yellow thing-)

Quote of the day "Be whoever you wants to be, but be true to yourself."

Christmas 2010

2010-12-27T08:28:00.001+08:00

7.29am..... Monday....27/12/2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
to my little Sister who's also borned 17years ago on Christmas day.

And MERRY CHRISTMAS to the rest of the world.

On Christmas Eve, I went out with my highschool friends. The members that were present was Chuan Hoong, Sue May, Tricia, Lawrence Gan, Wai Zen, Seow Wei, Le King, Ming Jin, Angel and her boyfriend Menning. Later on, Weng Shen and May Shuen joined us in Sen Chen's house.

I got all dressed up in my new ripped leggings and a black dress, but I think I over did it. A little. Anyway, Sue May came to fetched Tricia and I at 8pm to gather with the rest at Le King's house. Then we were off to Bukit Tinggi in search of a restaurant for our Christmas dinner. After the dinner, we were clueless of what's next. We later end up at Sen Chen's apartment and counting down there. It was cool. We shouted and screamed out to the world from the apartment balcony. We could hear fireworks but couldnt see any.

Shortly after count down, we went home. Tricia and I, however, didnt feel like ending the night just yet. So we called up a friend to meet up at Sunway Pyramid's Republic to get a drink. We got a little bit tipsy after the Vodka and Tequila shots. I love the music played in Republic club, they played the old clubbing songs which was the Bomb!! I totally prefer the older clubbing songs from few years ago then the clubs songs these days. I didnt fall asleep till 10 am in the morning.

On Christmas afternoon, the gang came to my house to wake me up as they couldnt wake me up by calls. (I'm so used to their invasion, I actually like it!) They came to get me at 1pm, but the plan initially was to go One Utama for Rock Climbing at 12pm. I didnt feel like going out, so I told them to go without me. But seeing as Sue May was going to drive alone, I changed my mind. (Later, I found out Seow Wei was in Sue May's car). Quickly, I freshened up and changed.

We were all hungry when we reached, so we went for lunch at Plus One Shabu Shabu. It was quite a fun experience eating Shabu Shabu with them (oh! dont ask why). We sat at a round table for 6 but there were 7 of us. Le King and Chuan Hoong got stucked with a weird looking and tasting soup. Hahahah. They just make everything seems more enjoyable then normal. We ate till like 3pm.

And we're off searching for the right lift to bring us up to the Camp5 for Rock Climbing. To our disappointment, it was fully booked until 6pm. So we discarded our rock-climbing plan and went to play Baseball/Softball instead. It was my first time playing, so I was rather estatic! I found that I'm quite good at baseball! It feels great when I managed to hit the ball with one hard swing, but rather disappointed when I missed. But I'm soo darn loving it and totally coming back!

After that, we went roaming around One Utama before sending Seow Wei to her cousin's house and we went back to Klang. I fell asleep in the car. Too exhausted. My phone wont stop ringing though as my family kept calling and texting to inform me that we're going to Doerae (Korean BBQ) for my little sister's birthday dinner at USJ Taipan.

When I reached home, I crashed right away on the sofa untill my mum wake me up to go for dinner. I slept in the car too. My eldest sister was already in Doerae waiting with a table. I love this Korean BBQ restaurant as it is the best among all that I've been. The service was great, the waiters were friendly, the boss himself was always there checking on his customers satisfaction.

We ordered Soju and Basoju mix alcohol, two whole jug of it. I drank alittle too much because it everybody had enough and I wouldnt want to waste good alcohol. Hahaha. After cake and dinner, mum sent us to Eugene's house (2nd sister's boyfriend) and we went shisha-ing with their friends.

All in all, it was an eventful Christmas.

I'm just disappointed that I didnt get to join my friends while they were exchanging presents and hopping from on place to another :( I heard they had epic fun squeezing 6 people together in a car! But hey, I cant be in two places at once. Too bad for that.

Quote of the day "All I want for Christmas is YOU Guys."

Conned into cheap labor!?

2010-12-23T21:49:00.001+08:00

9.27pm.......Thursday.....23/12/2010

Air Shower! We have to go through this to go into the factory.

Tricia hit her head on the electric box TWICE and cut her thumb TWICE on the first day! HAHAH

Fooling around in the "Changing Room"

I look like a surgeon! Except i stand weird.

Shoe covers

LUNCH LADY TRICIA.

This whole week was exhausting. 4days I worked in a food factory. How on Earth did I stumble into the job? Tricia. Tricia's mother's work company was hiring part-timers, so she asked if I'm interested, RM50 per day. She said all we had to do was to stick stickers on packages and that she'll work too if I work. As I was bored to death at home with hellanothing to do, I accepted the offer without much of a thought.

So on Monday 7 in the morning, Tricia's mum came to fetch me to the work place. To our surprise (horror), its in a factory. Kawan Food Berhad factory to be exact. The workers and supervisors there were kind and helpful. So as tortorous as we stood for hours trimming packaged food and sticking stickers on the packages, its rather enjoyable as the environment were friendly and I had my bestfriend with me. Truth be told, if I were to spend 40 hours a week with any other friend, I'd freak out or get annoyed at one point.

After the first day of work, I'm pretty traumatized by the amount of time I washed, dryed and sanatized my hands!! Its a procedure for everyone to wash, dry then sanatized their hands before going into the work place. And we were required to wear shower cap and mask and shoe covers =.=!
We totally, look like A) doctors. OR. B) lunch lady. Hahahah.

We worked from 8am to 6pm. Usually went there 10 minutes late and went home 10minutes early. Hahahah.
Anyway, today's the last day as we only agreed to work 4days because tomorrow's Christmas eve!

Quote of the day "Pretentious Prick!"

The End of the Year.

2010-12-12T21:07:00.000+08:00

8.49pm.........Sunday.......12/12/10

Darn! I always lost track of what day it is. I thought today's a Saturday, unfortunately its a Sunday. Actually, it made no difference, to me at least, of which day or date it is.

Hmm... you know how they say, we're only human, our wants and needs will never end?

Oh finally, another year's coming to an end. I dont know if I should be relieve or sad at that fact. Relieve; this torturous year's going to be over and I can start anew in just a few more days. Sad; yet another unaccomplished year, unproductive towards my blurring future and I'm getting older but none-the-wiser by the second.

Each year end and new year, my family will have three celebrations more then others. First of, my dad's birthday on the 17th of December. A week after will be Christmas, which is also my little sister's birthday. Then another week after, is New Year, one day after new year is my birthday.
I never liked Christmas and also New Year for all the good reasons. I loathe them. I hate my birthday. We dont really celebrate Christmas, so there isnt any reason to like it in the first place.

Anyways, you know what I love??? PRESENTS AND SURPRISES!!
My beloved friends gave me a sort of surprise party this year (18h Birthday) and also presents! I love those monkeys!
Like always, I have a list of things I want almost every year since I hit puberty. Hah.
1. i-Touch
2. Poloriod Camera
3. Boots. (From Aldo, Timberland or Dr. Martem )
4. Blackberry
5. Three Days Grace's One-X album.
6. (I should stop wishing for this but..) My own rooom.

Quote of the day "Its the time to be Merry?? My ass."

Leaving.

2010-12-12T20:03:00.001+08:00

"I'm doing no good here anyway, I'm leaving. Now. Tonight." She stuffed her bag pack full of belongings she thought that's nescessary for travelling; her entire life savings which wasnt a lot, some Capri Sun and redbull, undergarments and a change of clothes -when you're travelling who cares if you've been wearing the same piece of shit for days?

Traycie stared in disbelieve, she had always listen to the other girl blather about making a great escape and to never come back to this small town, but seeing her actually attemping it was the first time.

"But..but do you even know where are you heading to!?" Traycie tried to talk some sense into her head, "Did you even have a plan? Listen to me, you have no direction but a head full of dream, a little money and you dont know anyone out of this town whom all your friends and family lives! C'mon Kenzie, you cant just pack up and leave!"

Zipping up her grey bagpack, Kenzie gave Traycie, her bestfriend since 1st grade, a tight squeeze on the arm, "Tray, you got to have faith in me. I will survive.." she shruged,"..the real world. You got to understand, I'm not like you or anyone around here." To which Traycie rolled her eyes at Kenzie. "I cant stand this place. This is me, finally making my first step of my life journey to which I may or may not regret but, will be my responsiblity, alone, to carry." Kenzie offered her a smile of reasurrance. "No worries, whatever I'll be doing, I'll always hear you nagging in my head in that annoying tone of 'I told you so, didnt I?'"
Knowing her, Traycie gave up trying to reason with her and hook an arm around Kenzie's neck and pulled her in for the hug that would be the last till who knows when.

"Just take care of yourself, Kenzie and promise me you'll stay in contact with me," Her dark eyes rimmed with mascara glare into Kenzie's messy make up "..okay?"

As determine as she is to leave for good, Kenzie felt lamentable having to leave Traycie. "Fine, I'll write, send you postcard or something." She tried to sound as casual as ever, holding back the emotions disarraying in her.

"What?" The smaller girl shook her head, not understanding, "What about calls? Text? Aren't you going to bring your Blackberry along?"

"Well, no..."she let out a short humorless laugh to which Traycie reply with a wry expression, "I mean, I cant. I wont have money to load it. Hmm...on second thought, I should, in case I run out of money before planned then I can sell it." she ends with a smile to which the other girl remained dismay.

-something i wrote months back. Found it, and thought of simply posting it up :)

Quote of the Day "We all secretly hope to have the guts to make a great escape."

Checking In and Out

2010-12-07T15:08:00.001+08:00

2.35pm.......Tuesday.......7/12/2010

Hmm.... its been approximately 3 weeks since I last updated. This time, I have a good reason for not updating cause I'm barely online (because the wifi connection at home was bloody rotten). I've been occupied with activities and outings and simple hang outs for this few weeks. Awesome. Love being busy; mentally and physically occupied by the things and people I enjoy doing and being with.

Oh I have been playing a prodigal son card. My parents are awesome in the sense that they trust me (or simply didnt have time to monitor me) so I get to stay out late and or not going home at all. They did call in the first few days of my rebellion, then my family simply got fed up of checking up on me. Is this a good news or bad news?? Oh wells.

Speaking of which, I havent had a meal with my family for the whole of two weeks, close to three now. Hmmm I sincerely feel like a rebellious prodigal son. Hah.

I went on a Genting trip on the 30th Nov to 1s Dec, just a two days trip with my college ex-classmates; Jeralyn, John, Howard, Henna and her boyfriend Christofer. After the trip, I went for movie and dinner with John and Howard then, unexpectedly, every surprisingly got invited to join John's mother (Penny)'s birthday celebration. We spent the night and the next afternoon hanging out in Kuala Lumpur. We checked into Shangri-la hotel. It was one of those fine luxury hotel room. Oh, my phone drowned when I was soaking in the bathtub. Too bad.

Quote of the day "In need of some clarity and sincerity."

I SUPPORT [TCMAINE]

2010-11-19T02:52:00.000+08:00

My friend beautiful Chammaine needs help to win Lenovo laptop.
Of course,

I SUPPORT [TCMAINE]

Quote of the day "Lend a hand?"

So, what now?

2010-11-17T21:35:00.002+08:00

9.12pm.........Wednesday..... 17/11/10

South Australia Matriculation (SAM)'s Final exams finally bloody ends.

It ends like, two days ago on the 15th, but I was too drained to blog about it. After the Account paper (which was the last paper of the entire course), I went to Sunway Pyramid for a movie with my bestie. Hah, we end up watching some juvenile Vampire movie called "Let Me In". It was a ridiculous and predictable movie. Anyways, there was SAM prom at night, but I decided to skip it since months ago. But kinda upset with my decisions as I didnt get to spend my last day with my course mates. Ohwells, let the past be past.

I was hit by nocturnalism and insomnia due to my weird hours of last minute study. Spent two freaking dark days attempting to switch my circadian rhythm back to normal. And thank goodness, I think its back to relatively normal now since I managed to wake up in the afternoon.

Well, well... the question now is, what's next? What am I to do now since I've got...well, no more obligations? Hmm... I've got quite a few activities planned out but carrying out the plan is the problem. Actually, the major problem is predictably; Money!! :( I neeeeeed more social connections.

I'm such a sad puppy.
OH! I want to adopt another puppy! (but my house's already have loyal Bobby and 3 other dogs) I dont think my dad or my family's gonna let. SAD.

Quote of the day "Imagine We Were Dead, Counting All The Things We Never Did."

HALLOWEEN 2010

2010-11-06T23:57:00.010+08:00

10.30pm.......Saturday.....6/11/2010

For this year's 2010's Halloween, I didnt do anything outrageous like last year's. Last year I went to my Highschool Graduation in the morning, stalked All American Rejects in the afternoon and went to AAR's concert at night. It was one of the best day ever.

As for this year, I spent my fucking Halloween night at home studying for cibai SAM Finals. But I did, however, went for a 'Halloween' party few nights before. To officially celebrate Halloween, I went to Taylor's Lakeside Spook Bash with my best buddy Tricia. We didnt have any costumes, so we decided to go as Zombies. I threw on the a thorn off sholder grey long-sleeves and a white tube in side, jeans and plat-form boots I bought 3years back. Hah. On my defence, I really wanted a rocker boots and that was the only one that I can afford. I've never worn it out because its just too silly and anime-ish. (Dont have the confidence to wear it out). Later, we put on some make up at Tricia's place and went to the Spook Bash at 7pm.

When we reached, it was kind off disappointing to see there's not many of them in costumes. We met up with Tricia's friends who went as a group of cheerleaders. As the night goes on, there were more and more people showing up in costumes. We saw Freddy Kruger and Jason, a female Pirate (Mrs. Jack Sparrow) and a male Pirate (they didnt come together), Japanese white face ghost, a wounded Soldier, the cliche Angles and Devils, a couple Avatars (Thumbs up for blue people!), two or three Reaper, witches, a group of Harry Potter wannabes, Joker, 4 terrorists (simply Awesome!), Charlie Chaplin, Van Detta, Tetrix boxes (THE BEST!), two smexy Kitties, Bunnies, Princesses, Vampire wannabes, Zombies and more!! The MCs for the night were 2 guys; one in baja kurung and another in a black skin tight dress. (Thumbs up for the courage and spontenity!)

There was a couples of performances; group hip-hop dance performance, choir group and a few awesome bands too! Oh, there was a few games organized too! It was a great gathering of people in costumes. So Tricia and I went around taking pictures with them!

Quote of the day "Welcome the Halloween night, where spooks, ghouls, and monsters come out to play. Join the game or die in shame! Here I wish you HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEN. Heheheheeee~"

GOOD BYE FOREVER GRANDMA

2010-11-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

8.41pm........wednesday......3/11/2010

Its been a week. This solemn grieve that fall upon us like a sheet of invisible blanket. It happened so suddenly, we didnt know what hit us untill its too late. Farewell and good bye my dear Grandma. May you rest in peace with Grandpa in heaven. There's no more pain, sorrow or sadness in where you are now. I miss you and i'll always love you. We'll carry your memories in our mind, and when we look up the sky, we'd like to think of you watching over us like our guardian angel up above. I appologize for all the things I've done wrong and I beg for your generous forgiveness.

My Grandma was 78 years old. She passed away on 27th October 2010 on a Wednesday night.

Quote of the day "REST IN PEACE"

END OF SAM!!!

2010-10-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

Friday....9.24pm.....22/10/2010
TODAY! is another memorable day for all of South Australian Matriculation (Self-Abuse Matriculation) Program students in Taylors. Today we said our Farewells, Good Lucks, and All the Best to our fellow classmates, course-mates and lecturers. Today, is the end of SAM lessons! But Today, is not the end of SAM, yet. Because the Final Examinations is in a week time (andihaventstudyi'mgointofreakoutsoonbutnotsosoon)

I've skipped a week of classes and today's the last day. I promised to attend, eventhough I'm so freaking lazy that I over slept only to wake up at 11 and reached Campus at 12pm! Met upwith my fellow classmates in Snogurt then went to Account class then Psychology and Legals.

Here's the pretty pictures from my phone :))

Live like you're dying

2010-10-16T02:41:00.001+08:00

1.57am........Satruday.......16/10/2010

'Live like its your last day.'

'Live like you've got nothing to lose.'

It suddenly just dawn to me the true meaning of those phrases. I see and read about how certain people who had absolutely nothing at all, made something of their lives for themselves. They were broke and homeless or loveless and abused, or simply at the point where they can a)self-destruct or b) gamble all their live on one chance to make use of themselves. And thankfully, most chose option B and here they are now, in their early 30s, idols and inspiration to billions around the world. Yes, I do mean rockstars. I meant them because I read about their real life stories and tragedies. (That's why I hate pop-stars, mainstreams and especially Disney-shits trying to make it in music industries. Stick to your kiddie shows to save yourselves the embarassment man!)

Like my hero Chester Bennington who has lived through sexual abused which lead him into seeking escape from drugs, but hey, he's doing great now with loving family and internationally successful career with his multi-talented band Linkin Park. And Jacoby Shaddix, the lead singer and main lyricist for Papa Roach, which claimed that he was homeless at one point before he started a band. See? he's got nothing to lose!

In life, we're obligated to make decisions every single moment of our lifes. It doesnt start when you wake up, its never ending until you take your last breath! You have to want to wake up, make the decision to wake up. The you know how your days goes. Anyway, my point is, we're sometimes feel distress and stuck cause the next step, the next decision we're going to make will directly or indirectly affect and leave a scar or a trail in your life forever. Like choosing a University course or Major, for example. That's when we start to do some research, asking questions, seeking advise becuase we're so uncertain and unable to trust our own judgement, cracking our tiny brain thinking which to choose and we have to do it fast and sometimes, immediately!

From what I learnt, that's a mistake. First of all, you have to trust yourself and your own capability to achieve what you want. Second of all, do loads of research. And thirdly, turst judgement before other's advice!

Thus, I shall now think like I've got nothing to lose. Not thinking about the past. Not thinking about the future. Just live the moment, live the present life. Make decisions based on the present situations. Do what I want to do for the moment, without worrying about the future or whatever it will do to what's left of my rotten reputation. I shall live and saviour the moment. I shall live like everyday's my last day. I'd do whatever to satisfy my craving and needs, to be content with myself and life. Live like I'm dying, like I've got nothing to lose.

Quote of the day "Cause, I. really. just. got. nothing. to. lose."

Trigger Happy

2010-10-06T15:43:00.001+08:00

3.32pm......Wednesday....6/10/2010

You have the slightest, faintest idea of what's going on with me

People don't just born naturally full of anger.

You have no right to judge me

There's so much hidden by the angst I had all of you fooled.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

Quote of the day "No I don't want Ice-cream. I need a life. Far away from here. Away from ALL OF YOU!! "

October Blues??

2010-10-04T14:24:00.002+08:00

2.03pm..........Monday.....4/10/2010

Hello October,
You're supposed to be my month October but it seems like you're indifferent from September. and I hate September.
You gave me a very depressing day the first day in.
I dont like you.
I'm broke but dying to get out. And you're not helping at all at all.
My car's still in repair. My brain and heart needs repairing.
How much more can you take from me?
Dear October, be kind, rewind?
I know for facts that 2008 and 2009 were not my years.
Now 2010 is treating me like crap so far,
when will it be my year??
I dont like you and I hate you!! Stupid months and stupid years!
So far, only August has been kind to me these two years.
At least someone has the mercy to spare my demented mind.

On the side note, I got my Trial results back. I obviously failed Math. Just passed English, Psychology and Legal Studies. Oh! Mr. David praised me for my improvement. Hehee. And I failed Account paper. Its okay, more than half the class failed Account, the highest was no more than 60! WTF? No, its not the toughness of the paper, its the lecturer!! :( Thus, I'm taking a very expensive Account tuition. Today's the first day, later at 2.30pm. in Starbucks. I dont have money to pay and I haven't asked my Dad about it. FML. F M L.

Quote of the day "No place to go. No place to hide. She's lost inside."

Think Of You Later In My Empty Room

2010-09-29T12:10:00.002+08:00

12.00pm.....wednesday..... 29/9/2010

Welp..I've survived SAM Trial. Dont know about my results yet cause its not out except Math. They were discussing the paper in class. FYI, I bailed on Math paper. Yup, it might be an unbelievable thing to some of you but its pretty normal for me. I HATE MATH. Not really, Math hate me!! now that's true.

Anyways, life's been so darn boring. my days has turn to night and night to day. In too deep in insomnia and nocturnal. Its bad!! Dah la my social life is close to non-existance, with my sleeping habit like that I havent been out for....weeks. Crap. Back to square one man. I hate square and one. Always been a circle girl. Hahaha! Lame joke.

Ah I cant cant cant stop thinking of what I shouldnt be thinking of right now!! The thought occupies my brain 3 quarter of my waking hours, its extremely loud and convincing when I'm alone, which is always. Fuck. So annoying!!

Quote of the day "Everybody want to change the world! But no one, No one wanna try!!"
(Check out MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE's new single Na Na Na)

my poor carrr

2010-09-19T19:19:00.001+08:00

7.20pm.......... Sunday.... 19/9/2010

I have 18hours before sitting for my first Trial paper; English. So I'm not at the verge of panicking yet. What annoys me is everybody are still studying, but I cant even manage to finish one tiny book. I seriously salute them man.

But I just had to do this ;)

Ladies and gentle men, MALAYSIAN MADE CARS SUCK ASS

Quote of the day: FUCK YOU!!

SEPTEMBER IS JUST NOT MY MONTH ; Accident

2010-09-18T02:45:00.000+08:00

2.48am.......Saturday..... 18/9/2010

I got into a car accident yesterday morning, approximately 6.45am.

That morning, I thought of going to school early to get some study on since I cant sleep or concentrade at home. So I drove towards Subang as I blasted Linkin Park's A Thousand Suns. Then it begun to drizzle on the highway and it got heavier after I passed Batu Tiga toll and the streetlamps were off already. The cars were slowing down out of a sudden on the middle lane so I went to the fastlane going approximately 70km/hour. The rain's so heavy that I couldnt see much and the sky's still so dark.

Approximately 6.45am.
The car infront of me suddenly slow down/ stop so I floored the brakes and watched as my car collided with the end of the other Proton with a loud BANG!! Fuck. I saw it coming. I was traumatized. Linkin Park's still blasting loudly inside as I registered what had just happened. I couldnt believed it. But it did. The car moved to the side and so did it. and I flicked on my double signals.

A fat Indian lady came out of her car in the heavy rain to check on the rear end of her car. So I did the same, I went down into the rain as I perceived no threats from the way she carried herself. It was pouring heavily and I was drenched almost immediately. The lady asked what do I want to do now?? How are we going to settle this?? in BM. I can understand her, but I reply in english instead. I managed to tell her to trade informations (IC & Licence no.) with me then I went back into my car.

Still traumatized, hands trembling as I tried to work my phone and get my license and IC from my purse. My phone battery was dying and I cant think straight! I sent a message to Vikern telling him that I've got into an accident. He's the last person I saw so. Then I went back into the rain and took a picture of the bumper of her car because I remember my family telling me to do that if ever I got into an accident.

Then I went to knock on the lady's car window. She scrolled down her window a bit and I saw that she's writing something in a book. She then proceed to ask me to sit in the car. There's two other man in the car, a middle age and another's younger. I gave her my IC and license so she can jot down my information. Then I remembered my car engine's still on so I went down to turn it off and came back in.

Then the lady asked me how are we going to do this? Settled it?? or Report police?? Unthinkingly I said we can settle it. I asked for her information and was gonna save it in my phone but it just go crazy and died. So she tore a piece of paper out and write it on it and gave me. She asked for my dad's number. I gave her the number I think its right and she called. Think she couldnt get through cause the phone's off. She than asked me again if I want to settle or make a police report?? I thought the damage was kinda huge so I to her that we'll go report together.

Before I leave, she had to ask; You tak tipu kan?? And I thought; No, ma'am, you have my infromation, I cant even if I wanted to.

Approximately 7.10a.m.
Soaked in rain and traumatized, I start my car engine and thank god its still working. I turn on the radio to my Linkin Park album and drove carefully on the middle lane with my double signal still on. As I drove, I waited for my life events to flash before my eyes, nope it didnt happened, so I guessed I'm not dying or dead. Then I thought of how to handle this.
I remembered hearing Chester's voice in the background, singing their new song INDESCENT.

Approximately 7.40a.m.
Once I reached home, I went into my parents room. My younger sister's still awake, online in the living room. My dad's not home and my mum's sleeping. Still wet from the rain, I woke her up and broke the news to her immediately. I mean, what do you want me to do? Bring in some suspense??

Mum hope out of bed immediately and told me to get myself dry and to call my dad. My phone's dead so I asked my sister to called instead and asked her to borrow me one of her many handphones. I told mum that the lady's going to make a report at the police station downtown and that she'll be waiting for me there. We couldnt get through Dad's phone so Mum asked me to wake my brother. So I went upstairs to wake my brother and asked him to come to the Police station with me.

And one thing lead to another. I finally lodge a police report in 12pm at Shah Alam police station because apparently my accident is non of Klang police station's problem. fuck you. I was so exhausted and fatigue that I dont even have the energy to feel scared anymore. i just want to get it over with, go home and sleeep it off!! FUCK

IN CONCLUSION:
I should not, and will not go to College early.
I should avoid driving behind Proton or any other cars that may be MANUAL. (because they tend to breakdown whenever whereever they like)
God's telling me that I should just drop SAM, forget about it and getthefuck out of the course.
September is NOT my month. And hopefully remain the worst month of 2010!!
I should also avoid driving if I have the chance; SO WHO WANNA BE MY DRIVER??

Quote of the day "Shu Ee should never be a good girl, go to school early or with the intention to study!!"

Breakdown.

2010-09-13T16:48:00.000+08:00

4.50pm.....Monday... 13/9/2010

Just had a mental breakdown. No, it seems more like an emotional breakdown.

I hate these days. I hate the days when I know I'm on a deathly deadline.

Why the fuck people have to plan everything!? Cant people just go with the fucking flow? Live spontaneously instead of tight in a fucking ass schedule?!

FUCK YOU SYSTEMS!!

Having a schedule usually increase my anxiety rather than help me cope. FUCK.

6 days left.

I have 6 days left till trial. FUCK EXAMS.

Arrrgh! September and November was never my month. Its always these big ass exams that scares the life out of me. Mental!

Welp, its end of the holiday and I havent even finish studying a book yet. Sigh.

I've survived with last minute study through UPSR, PMR and especially SPM, I CAN survive SAM right?? Sigh. I hope, I wish, I pray that I can and will.

Its days like these that jumble up my emotions and totally screwed my mental health. Jumping from Icouldntgiveadamn to sudden insecure then vulnerability and snapping back to fuming anger then slipping to exasperation then anxious with guilt to self loathing and finally hit hysteria!! Sometimes I feel like stabbing the shit outta anyone close to reach, especially those that I deemed annoying!! Most of the time I just feel like stabbing myself. Die. Die DIE!!

The hollowness and anxiety had my mind playing tricks on me, digging up memories and abruptly disturb my train of thoughts. Memories that stuck me on the head and swiftly dragging me down to my pitiful abyss, dark and filled with little horrid demons and monsters of mine. Always, I wish I could've changed the the things I've done. Or simply relieve the moment. Memories that made me feel extremely irrelevent, crazy, remorseful and angry all in one. I'm killing me.

Oh, last night I had the most bizarre dream featuring the oddest characters in the mix.

The dream begun with me investigating a murder and the suspect has a history of mental disorder; save to say the city has a psychotic serial killer on the lose.

For some reason, I the setting changed to a huge auditorium stuffed with people. There was a play or concert of some sort. Midway through the performance, the main character which was a white girl was intrude by a deranged hobo, at least he look like one, chasing after her on the stage. Shocked by some sort of knowledge that she's done something wrong or had seen the guy before, the girl flee and was shouting for help but the fans, the audience, some thought it was part of the act and some were simply ignorance. The hideous man wasn't far behind, somehow she had a brilliantly idiotic idea to swing across the auditorium with the help of the decorations hanging from the ceiling. She grabbed the stringy decorations and jumped! Unfortunately for her, the strings wouldnt hold and she was falling! The audience cheered, totally oblivious of the situation. Fortunately, she didnt fell far as she managed to grip on the landing of the balcony of the level below. But her grip was slipping. Desperate and exasperate, she screamed for help! And some moron below cried "Justin Bieber!!" and everyone start cheering his name. The blondie in distress was more irritated than ever. She tried convince the crowd it wasnt an act, that she's really going to fall to her death.

"Help! Please!!" The more she scream, the more energized the audience were!

The man jumped from above and landed swiftly on the balcony and grabbed the girl's arm that was the only support from falling to the amused crowd below.

The pretty blonde, terrified as she tried to reason with him. "Help me, please." She begged again and again to him. In his eyes was nothing but hate, disgust and thirst for vengeance. Slowly and certainly, he's prying her arms from the balcony floor. Finally she cried, "Why are you doing this to me?!" She kept asking persistently through tears ad a mix of fear and anger.

And the dirty looking man, wearing ragged clothes simply answered, "You used my garbage." And firmly pry her arms off and let her free fall down below. No, of course he doesn't literally meant she used his garbage. He meant the idea he wrote on a crumpled piece of paper that may led him to success, but was stolen by the girl.

After the falling of the girl, the show was over. People simply disperse. The scene has changed to a mall setting. It was late and the shops were closing and I was then parted from my friends. For some reason, I bumped into Hannah Montana, who was in her alter ego disguised and introduced herself as Hannah Montag to me. WTF? Dont ask me why she's in my dream! She and I was both looking for our friends so we stick together for a while. We didnt talk much. Somehow I know she's Hannah Montana (i mean, c'mon, who can you fool? Wearing an ugly wig wasn't much of a disguised in the first place) So I confront her, I was like "You're Hannah Montana isnt it?"

She replied, "No, I'm Hannah Montag. Why? You like her songs?"

"Meh, I mean her song's not bad but just not my thing, you know?" WTF.

Suddenly, Hannah was gone and I was with Ashley. She was just walking around, shopping and going into shops that was closing but not closed. We simply just shopped in the closing mall like nobody's business.

One of the craziest dramatic thriller dreams I have. It was way more entertaining in my head.

Quote of the day "Will you do me a huge favor? PUSH ME DOWN THE LEDGE."

C'est La Vie

2010-09-10T16:56:00.000+08:00

4.56pm........ Friday...... 10/9/2010
"You tell me I'm a wreck you say that I'm a mess, how could you expect anything less??"
"Does it matters at all? Does it matters at all?"
"I just wanna run, hide away because they're finding me out."

I have 10 days left, literally 10days till SAM Trials. I'm not making any progress. Yes, its starting all over again. PMR, SPM all over. Fuck. I hate exams soooo much! I hate the pressure! Why did I even stick to his assholedy course!? which led to me hating myself. Fuck.

Something's very wrong with me. I know that, but I also dont know that.

This week's been such a beetch. Its nice but its not nice. Its sometimes fun, being out with friends and all, but its so frustrating and heavy with the burden of my duty, my responsibility to sit home and study. I cant, I just somehow cant bring myself to dit down and study. How does anyone do that!? Aaaarrgh
I FEEL TRAPT!!
CAGED!!!

Quote of the day ""I think "C'est la vie" is French for "I really don't give a fuck anymore.""
- Josh Randall (Every Avenue)

Happy Birthday Tan Tan Sen Chen ;)

2010-09-07T03:29:00.000+08:00

3.30a.m......Tuesday.......7/9/2010

Tried studying today. It was a total failure. I fell asleep and woke up at 7pm instead. WTF. Another day gone.
I just want to say,I just want to make it clear, to emphasize 'F M L'.

We celebrated Sen Chen's birthday last Saturday. It was a belated birthday celebration but obviously a memorable one. Its been so long since we last hung out, all of us together in a huge gang. Sure, some of them couldnt make it and some just stop becoming part of us. I guess people move on.

The boys bought Tan mooncakes instead of Cake. Great idea!

We make Tan lick/suck the candle. Ahahaha

Tommy apparently are very skillful with papers.

We celebrated in Bukit Tinggi Jusco's Kim Garry. All 13 of us; Sen Chen, Chuan Hoong, Tricia, Weng Shen, May Shuen, Tommy Tong, Lawrence Gan, Le King, James Lee, Wai Zen, Angel and her boyfriend Manning and me.

Chuan Hoong fetched me and Tricia, then we met up with the rest at 6 something. It was a chaos as usually while we ordered the food, especially because its a self-service order list thing. After so long of no meeting each other, we catched up and annoyed the shit outta each other. Then after eating, the boys decided to bring out the 'birthdays cakess' and sing happy birthday.

Later, somehow dont know who came up with the idea of making Tan give the huge red candle a 'blow job'. HAHAHA! If you asked the old younger Tan to do it, he'll definately will not! But the new older 18years old Tan with a girlfriend (which I still have no idea who is it and what's her name) were sponteneous enough to do it!! And I have it recorded. He texted me the next day asking me not to post it on facebook, so I'm posting it here. ;)

After the 'candle blow job' we were late for 9pm movie. Weng Shen had to leave so left 12 of us. We were watching Cats and Dogs 2, I have no idea who's decision was it to watch a kiddie movie. I was hoping to watch Pirannah. But turns out, the movie aint so bad! Diggs the German Shepard reminds me of Bobby and Catherine the cat reminds Tricia of long lost Lord Fatty.

After the movie, the mall was closing and we went to the arcade. I dont know why, somehow we always end up in the arcade when we're at that mall. It may sound lame but its actually quite entertaining watching the guys play/attack the machines. That night, they played the Japanese drum thinggy. Its just ridiculous and funny to watch!

Later, the arcade had to close too and we parted ways. Tommy, Tan and Wai Zen went dow the other exit. Gan followed Angel and her boyfriend because he left his keys in her car. Only Le King, May Shuen, Tricia, and I followed Teh's car. But we met up at the main entrance anyway!! Eventhough its late, some of us just wasnt ready to call it a night!! So some of us decided to go to Teh's house to play Chap-kut! Due to lack of space, Wai Zen and Gan have to tumpang Angel's ride to Teh's house.

On the way to Teh's house, we stopped by Le King's to pick up the Mah Jung set. Once reached, Tricia went to practice on songs on Chuan Hoong's piano while the other make room for the table we're gonna paly on. I like Hedley's Perfect on piano, sound so emo. And than there's only 7 of us. The game started with only 4 of us playing; Me, Le King, Teh and Wai Zen while May Shuen and Gan watched. That's when the piano beginning to sound annoying. And then Gan got so bored that he started asking stupid sexual questions. Think that dude's finally hitting puberty or that his sexual curiousity came too late for his age.

It was getting late and Teh's brother's not liking us making so much noise at his house. So at about 2 am, Teh sent May Shuen and Wai Zen back. And then there's 5. Still, I dont want to go home yet and Tricia said she's hungry so we decided to go Mamak! Teh suggest to go Murni in Subang! Yay! On the way there, Gan continued with his curious questions and ice-breaking. He just wont shut up, in a good way. Haha.

On the way there, we were contemplating whether should we go to Murni or not and we saw several KFCs. Gan wont shut up about KFC!

So Tricia's like:"if you say KFC again im gona slap you man."

Le King:".....slap his scrotum."

Lawrance Gan:"Oh please do!! Please do!! KFC! KFC!! KFC!! KFC!!" WTF? HAHAHA

When we settled down in Murni, the waitress said its closing so we went to ss15. We were damn high in the car, singing to the radio. I think Teh's the one started scream singing "Imma dick Imma dick imma imma imma dick!!" HAHAHA after BEP was Shakira's Hips Dont Lie and Gan goes "Oh baby when you penetrate me like that, you make my cibai go wide.." WTF!?

Teh wanted to bring us to a famous Ramli burger stall but its closed too! In the end, we settled in Canai Cafe. I wanted to Shisha but dont want to do it alone, so I didnt. Heh. So we chatted and answered some of Gan's questions about girls and relationships. Man, that dude have serious dilemma.

On the way home, we were all tired and its like about 4am. Such a great night in my opinion. We stopped at Shell station so Teh and wash his face (for some unknown reason he had to wash his face in public toilet). Oh and random Abel sms me telling me his 'girlfriend' is in my class. WTF.

Last but not least, Gan and his ramdomness sums up the night pretty nicely and I quote he said "i just wana finger poke you, not scrotum poke you! Not on your vagina, on your ribcage!!" before that he kept asking me and Tricia promise not to hit him or Le King cause he wanted to do something. HAHAHA. Apparently he wanted to test the theory that all girls are ticklish.

Quote of the day "You know you're home when you can make a fool of yourself and not feel embarassed about it.

Picture worth a thousand words.

2010-09-04T13:45:00.000+08:00

2.28pm..........Saturday........4/9/2010

A PICTURE WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS,
BUT PICTURE NOWADAYS CAN BE EDITED, PHOTOSHOP, FALSIFY AND WHAT NOT?
EVERYTHING IN THIS CENTURY,
PARTICULARLY THIS DECADE
ARE MADE OF LIES,
MADE WITH THE INTENTION TO LIE.

FIST CLASS PICTURE OF P6. SHYUN LI WAS STILL HERE.

Irin's Birthday. We were late for LAN that day.

This was Sue May's cake. Dear old Weng Shen pay for it while we celebrated in Secret Recipe.

Then we crashed Teh's house.

And play Chap-kut. ;)
(I think that's the last time I saw or heard from Rock Chan)

ah TEH'S 18TH BIRTHDAY IN THAT...THAT PLACE I FORGOT THE RESTAURANT'S NAME! haha

Tricia made me pose for pictures for her assignments thinggy.

ADP STUDENTS' KNOWS HOWTA HAVE SERIOUS FUN.

MAY; WE CELEBRATED TRICIA'S 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!
Its was a much needed awesome night out. We stayed till late and fool around with the cardboard paparazzi

We dressed up pretty to attend a TWELF NIGHT play Tricia worked hard for.

TAYLOR'S SAM TEACHER DAY PARTY IN CLASS.

We bought a lot of food! Even p2 wants to join us.

We had 2 buckets of KFC, 3 Large Pizza from Pizza Hut and a lot of mash Potato, bread and coleslaw. I ate like a lot that day.

AFTER THAT, ASLEY AND I CRASHED TRICIA'S HOUSE AND HAD A PHOTOSHOOT PROJECT FOR MATTHEW LEONE'S GET WELL VIDEO.

MORNING SUN.

They burn my eyes every morning.

BON BON BON OOODORI!!!!

The whole class joined me and my team mates to do a wedding shoot for our Legal Studies presentation video. And we cam-whored using someone's lappy.

OH! I went I-City..

then Look Out Point with ADP friends.
They are AWESOME.

FEW WEEKS AGO, WE HAD LEGAL PRESENTATION WHERE WE PRESENT OUR VIDEO AND DID A MINOR SKETCH.

WE'RE ALL DRESSED UP IN OUR ROLE. I'M THE POLICE.

THE MISTRESS, HUSBAND AND WIFE. Hah

MOST OF MY CLASSMATES.

P6

DEAR QI HONG. ;) He's a doll.

Taken in Joshua's farewell party in Zouk Bar.

Then we went to Genting for a few hours.

The car skidded when we're going down hill. AWESOME!

ON MERDEKA EVE,

I went Jakun-ing with Su Lin, Ashley, Qi Hong, Kar Joon, KeeMeng and Iya in Bangsar and Starhill mall.

MOOT COURT!!

ehehehehe... Howard had a make over by Jeralyn in English Class. Look properly, he's wearing eyeliner.

Sadly, I show no improvement or progress.. I still look like a highschooler!!
I dont know what to do with my hair now!! I'm soooooo blooated fat!!
Cant stop eaaaatinggg!!!! I EAT WHEN I'M BORED. I'M BORED 24/7. ;(

Quote of the day "Picture Perfect Lies."

WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS

2010-09-03T11:07:00.000+08:00

11.07AM.....FRIDAY......3/9/2010

HELLO SEPTEMBER,
Why are you so boring? =[

Its only 3days in, and I'm dying of boredom already. Test test test the whole freaking week. super pissed off with Math and later I have the last Accounting class test of SAM. I dont know if I should feel relieve or afraid. Relieved that I will not going to face anymore of these nonsense class tests for any subjects. Afriad because I know I've done badly in these tests and there goes my internal marks. Fuck.

So I just found out that after SAM Trial, we will not be having lessons anymore. Well, that's because most of the subjects syllabus were already covered and we will only have discussions in class. I dont know about the never ending Accounting and Legal Studies though, we're not even finish yet. But I guess its for the best having discussion in class to perfect our flaws on particular subject or topics. Oh gosh, meaning I have to work extra hard to catch up.

I have one week, or shall I say 10 days from tomorrow to next monday of study leave to catch up with the entire SAM students. I'm such slacker. Pffs, never changed. I feel so damn lazy to study. I guess its not exactly the eleventh hour yet so that's why I havent felt the urge to crack my brain. Ugh. Bad bad bad habit.

On the other hand, today's English period was kind of interesting. Mrs. Sharon didnt plan anything for today's lesson other than a simply grammar exercise. So after we did and discuss our exercise, the class turn into a make over session. It started with Jeralyn applying masscara on Irin then Mrs. Sharon wants to learn the technic to apply too and ta-da! Then Jeralyn went to pursuai Howard to let her apply eyeliner on him. Hah. Howard's such a nice guy, he let her. It was funny. HOWARD LAMBERT!! We took pictures after he wear the eyeliner on both eyes.

Oh and the MOOT COURT for legal studies. It sounded fun and intriguing when Mr.David explains it. But when we're doing it, it kinda suck. Not fun at all. Other then the two Prosecutions and two defence counsel and the Judge, the others just sat and watch. Yawn much. And the facts and storyline of the case was way off, making the witness statements and such contradicting each other. I dont know how its going to end if we're not using the Double Jeopardy defence mechanism. Sigh.

SO, LAN and Moral class are over forever, that slots of period has become my break time. Now my schedule is even more FUCKED then before. On Wednesday, I have 4hours disconnected breaks. Thursday's the worst! I have 3 class from 8 to 11am, then 4 continuous hours of break till 3pm for Accounting class. What's worst? Its a complete waste of time going to Accounting class, I learn nothing and still kept failing. I dont see the point of going at all. Grrr~! Waste of my tiem and father's money.

WHATTHEHELL AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!!?
Still I dont have an answer for that.

Quote of the day "NOTHING'S AUTHENTIC ANYMORE IN THIS DECADE."

I'LL MISS YOU AUGUST, BUT I'M INTRIGUE TO KNOW YOU SEPTEMBER

2010-08-31T18:18:00.000+08:00

6.20pm.......Tuesday.....31/8/2010

Happy Independance Day to all Malaysians.

Independance day.. why didnt I have the liberance sensation you're supposed to feel when you're supposedly living in a libertized independant country? Cause Life sucks. That's why. The MAN sucks at keeping order, that's why.

Anyway, August has finally come to an end. A new month will be here in a few hours. A new month, new experiences, new perspectives, new promises and new goals. So far, August has been the best month of this year. Everything about it, no matter how shitty I feel after what I've done, it doesnt change the fact that it's the most interesting crazy month of my life. So much memories. Crazy times. Psycho Su Shee moments. ;)

Therefore, on September, I'm going to focus on my studies. I promise myself to at least give my best effort to try. Trial's starts on the 20th, and I have wasted way to many time. I shall concentrate and catch up on my studies in SAM and hopefully do some good to my rotting internal assessment result.

This month, I shall resist the temptation to party. My resistance will stand until the last day of SAM Trial Exam. Tricia and I made a pact, she swore to keep away from partying for two months, well because we've partied way too much and got ourselves too broke and she needs to save up for Paramore's concert on the 19th of October. While I, on the other hand promised to stop partying for the a month! If any of us broke our promise, we'll give the other rm50! That's a bet. That's a pact. ;) I will not lose!

Quote of the day "Too much of anything can be Too much!"

Its just another phase of life

2010-08-21T12:13:00.000+08:00

12.13pm......Saturday.....21/8/2010

Fuhh! Its been a crazy month so far! I havent had this much 'life' for so long! Actually, more like never.

Been through quite a lot actually. I guess its time I settle down and focus on the things that matter; like education pfssss! But it is vital.

I got to remember to SHUTTHEFUCKUP sometimes. I also should keep my promise and not do anything I wouldnt want to remember.

Quote of the day "Oooops! I did it again!"

Friday the 13th; Tongue Tied

2010-08-14T16:41:00.000+08:00

4.42p........Saturday..... 14/8/2010

Are you superstitious? Do you believe in ghost and evil spirits? I do. I believe in almost anything.

FRIDAY THE 13TH. Yester was Friday the 13th and this is chinese calender's Hungry Ghost Month where the hell gate open free to allow the spirits to wonder earth with the purpose to visit their decendents I think.

Anyway, not here to talk about that. Hah.

Yesterday, I went to a 'party' at Jon Chek's place. It was fun with my new found friends. Did something I shouldnt and would never do when I'm sober. But its all fun and games. Its all innocent and nothing bad happened accept my damaged reputation. Not like I had a nice one to begin with. It was just simple and fun. I'm begining to like life thanks to them. Now my life's not all school, study, and feeling sorry for myself.

I didnt even know I had it in me to act so nasty. Hah.

Quote of the day "Tongue Tied."

I Want To Feel That Sensation Again & Again

2010-08-08T17:13:00.000+08:00

5.21pm........8/8/2010

Semester two is going well so far. Class tests are starting to tick me off. Never ending tests wey.

But hey! I'm meeting new people outside SAM. That's good. Should've sign up for ADP, but I'm already gonna graduate SAM soon. If i get a shitty result, I'm going ADP! Nobody's gonna force me into slavery, unless I wanted to.

Shit, forget what I wanted to say d. I'm so tired.
I was woken today in the early morning and 10! I slept at 6am last night. Nocturnal, yea know? So the lack of sleep is wearing me out now. Well, Chuan Hoong woke me up to go eat Bah Kut Teh for breakfast. Its nice hanging with my highschool friends once in a while. Never hung with them so damn early for quite some time now. Too bad there were only 2 boys; Chuan Hoong and Weng Shen, other's girls; Tricia, Sue May, May Shuen, Hui Lian and me.
Ah, later Tricia and I went to Pyramid with Bonnie to hang and catch up. It was nice talking to her.

Oh I gotta learn to talk without stuttttttterring! What's wrong with me these days!? Why cant I talk normal? =.= Guess I didnt have much practice doing SAM. *sigh* at least its ending soooon! Yay for that!

OMG I totally like over spent this month! I shop like crazy wey! 700, GONE in two days. wtf. I seriously am going on a diet d. I cannot spend already. Totally gonna like, go on a fast this month with the rest of the malays and chill in the library or the Web, alot! *determine*

Quote of the day "Just DANCE!"

Moooooooo~

2010-07-31T21:18:00.001+08:00

9.21pm.......Saturday......31/7/2010

The wifi connection or was it my laptop is fucking with me today! Couldnt do anything with it at all! Frustrating.

ugh. what frustrate me more is my fats. big lumps of fat! I'm so darn fat i cant fit into anything. I look horrible. Terrible. =(

I'm going to go on a fruits diet. Hopefully that'll last. and hopefully that'll shed some weight on my fat tummy and tight and arms and love-handle =(

I really really want a leather boots! Like Matt Devine's boots. I loooove his boots and fashion sense. Maybe I should save up and try looking for my perfect boots in Doc. Marten?

Quote of the day "Smell the richness of that leather boots!"

..........afraid to reach out.

2010-07-24T18:53:00.000+08:00

...i dont want to disturb or disrupt anyone.

Heart Heart Heart Break.

2010-07-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

9.31pm........Friday.........23/7/2010

My heart's beating unnaturally fast. I know I shouldnt react this way. I know its absolutely stupid idiotic foolish dumb and pathetic to feel this way.

*sigh* I saw pictures of Bryan Donahue kissing a girl I assume is his current girlfriend. on facebook. someone tagged him. he commented.

This is so unneccessary.

Couldnt helped to react to it. In my delusional mind, he's mr. Perfect. Or at least I like to think that way. But truth is, he doesnt even know my existance (we've met twice, but that doesnt mean anything to him as a musician). He is his own man, and I am a delusional fan.

It shocked me because he has never come forward about having a girlfriend. Bryan never mentioned it, not once. But there was one tweet post that faintly gave an idea of his interest on a girl. *sigh*

I need a real guy.

One that isnt living half way around the world or in my head for that matter.

Quote of the day "Heart Heart Heart Break. <3 <3 <3 <\3"

Waiting for the time to change?

2010-07-22T01:58:00.000+08:00

2.00am.........Thursday.......22/7/2010

Today I realized I'm wasting my life away.

I'm not improving in anything at all

Eventhough I wanted/ intended to.

But intention is futile when there's no drive.

I want to learn so much more of this world

I want to study many languages

such as French, Russian, Spanish, German...

I want to pick up instruments and be good at it

such as drums, guitar, bass, cello, violin, piano..

I wish to travel and be involved in things

I'm waiting for the time to change?

Quote of the day "Dream big, Dream large then Pursue it."

Feeling Nostalgic. Karma

2010-07-16T19:12:00.000+08:00

7.13pm..........Friday........16/7/2010

Matthew Leone's supposed to undergo a surgery today but was postponed because his pretty brain havent healed enough for it. Wish him well my friends and keep him in your prayers, I know he is in mine every single second I think of him. Matthew my hero. ♥ Nathan's Blog
Oh good news is that Matthew's medical donation is growing slowly but ever so generously by the day.

Today is too very nostalgic and I dont like what the nostalgia reminds me off cause this is the feeling I used to get when I skipped school back in my high school years. It is not at all the memory or feeling I like to remember. Yeah, I didnt o to school today. Woke up late and felt trashed this morning.
I didnt hear my alarm rings that's why I woke up late at 8.11am then decided that I'm already late so why not just go during the break so I cant catch an hour of sleep. But the nap drags on to a full sleep. I havent been sleeping well or enough these days.

Woke up at 4 in the afternoon then went to pay tuition fees. Right after I step out of the college, I had the feeling I've done something I bound to regret. Why? *shrugs* I dont know and dont care for now.

Oh! Today would totally sucks if my ebay package -which I've been restlessly waiting for- came!In the package is 3 albums I've been anticipating! 2 Madina Lake's album; Through Them, From Us,To You. and Attics To Eden! Mayday Parade's Anywhere But Here! Obviously, curently my favorite bands is Mayday Parade and Madina Lake. Their music is my escape. ♥

Quote of the day "Hope for the Hopeless."

Empty Heart, Empty Mind, Empty Soul.

2010-07-15T17:12:00.000+08:00

5.13........Thursday.......15/7/2010

Nostalgic feeling, like high school all over
No pun intended,
Made me feel pathetic and helpless
My fault for being such a freak and anti social

Havent been content in awhile
With empty heart, Empty mind
I feel so idle

Its passion I'm lacking
It's passion that's fading
by the day hours to seconds
Didnt realized I
Became so shallow and distrustful
I'm delusional

Need somebody to talk to

that is all.

Quote of the day "If I say I'm Okay, I'm also a liar. The only way out is Through The Pain."

THE GREAT NEWS, THE ESTATIC NEWS, AND THE HOPEFULL NEWS

2010-07-13T17:09:00.000+08:00

13/7/2010.........Tuesday......5.09pm

I'm actually glad nobody reads my blog. Well, I tend to get too personal and emotional around here.
Ugh. The damn migraine is still drilling at my skull! hurts!

Anyway, I have a few things I want to mention today.
First of all,

LINKIN PARK IS RELEASING THEIR 4TH ALBUM on SEPTEMBER 14TH 2010!

I'm estatic! Gallie.. honestly, I havent paid much attention or follow up with Linkin Park! Now I'm embarassed to call myself a no. 1 fan. Well at least I used to be. Guess I've moved on and grown up a little. Still, they are still in my top 3 no matter what. No, still my top 1 favourite band!♥ Hmm.. I'm going to make a list about of my top 10..later.

Second news,

♥ KILL HANNAH REPLIED MY TWEET!!! ♥

I dont know exactly which member of Kill Hannah was using the band's twitter account or was it the crew or publicist who used it to reply me, but still, nevertheless its from Kill Hannah official.

Psychshuee: Dreamt that i was a touring guitarist for @KillHannah/ @MadinaLake. Its great except i dont know how to play guitar. ;) nice. ♥
KillHannah: @PsychShuEe hahah u should learn!

and thus, I have decided to try my best to perfect my sloppy drum skills and pick up guitar! If only he told me to 'study hard and stop fooling around!' i might even do that, but he didnt, too bad.

Alright, I'll tell you about my dream so that you'll know why I said Kill Hannah / Madina Lake.

I dreamnt that we were on stage, setting up our gadgets and ready to play, I was sort of tuning an electric guitar. I saw Mat Devine (KH) there as the front man preparing the mike. Suddenly, a group of teenager came in. For some reason, they didnt stay at the floor but climbed up to the stage where there's a row of seats (like those in lecture theaters in my college). Then we started to play. My heart was racing in frenzy. I dont know how to play guitar! I saw Mateo Carmago (ML) doing his guitar plucking/riffing technique right infront of me (that produce sounds that brings me in state of awe.) and I know my que is coming as Mat and the drummer starts playing. I dont know whatthefuck I was doing with the guitar, strumming strings that's not recognized as any musical notes but the audience seems to not mind.

After the first song, I chilled a bit. Thanking God it was over. Then leaped into the second song which I recognized is 'Legends' by Madina Lake (one of my favorite) as the recorded piano jams in. I just kept pretending to play and avoid the audiance as much and as far as possible.

Well, that's all I could remember.

Thirdly,

♥ MATTHEW LEONE ♥ WILL UNDERGO ANOTHER SURGERY ON 16TH JULY 2010 to reattach his skull.

I hope, I play, I wish he'll come out fine and recover fast. I'm sending him all the best and positive energy to him in hope that he'll brave through this and get well and come out to tour again and finish recording Madina Lake's third album then write the band's book Auspice just as he said he would.♥
If you're interested in Matthew's condition please read the post from Riot Magazine.
If you're a kind hearted ♥ or wanted to be a kind hearted samaritan just like Matthew Leone, donate to his medical bill and help safe his life like many others that are trying: Through The Pain ♥ (official benefit for Matthew Leone)

Its not just that I ♥ the band's music & his vibrant personality. Its just Matthew's simply so brave & courageous. I cant helped it. Its cruel that he has to suffer such gruesome monstrous ill fate for saving a woman's life. I cant get over it. He's such a beautiful soul. Its even cruel to have his TWIN brother restless and worrying about him every second of the day. I've donated,you should too.

Quote of the day "A little high, a little low. A little faith, A little hope."
-can i copy right this quote? I just came to my mind. I like it. COPYRIGHTED IT! its mine now. ;)

GET WELL MATTHEW LEONE

2010-07-12T13:05:00.000+08:00

1:16pm........Monday.........12/7/2010

Honestly got lost track of dates. I dont even know what date is today until now. Ouch, my tooth been putting me in agony since two days ago, yesternight was the worst! I dont even know how I fell asleep, it was so much pain!
No, I'm not here to talk about my pain.

I'm here to inform you about Matthew Leone's pain. His heroic nature that led him to suffering a tons of painful surgery and broken bones. Long story short, Matthew was going down a block from Nathan's appartment in Chicago to meet up with a friend at a bar. He came across a domesic abuse happening right before his eyes, a man beating up a woman presumely his wife. Being raise up to respect women with well moral and ethics, he march towards them and tell the dude to chill to stop him from hurting the lady further. Matthew turned around and attempt to call the cops, little did he know, that crazy man jumped him from behind and start bashing him up. Later, heartless couple left Matthew in the middle of the street unconscious. Now he's suffering fracture skull, broken jaw and nose. He doesnt deserved it. Nobody do for being a heroic samaritans.

So this is the Get Well video us fans did for him.

Matthew Leone Get Well Video from matthew project on Vimeo.

I'm in there too, my video's the second last. at about 10minutes. Damn, my name's the last with the smallest front of the 'credits'. Not happy about it. Anyway, its not about me, its about sweet Matthew Leone

well for more information about Matthew Leone's assault, please visit Nathan Leone's blog for first hand information. And if you feel generous and wants to donate to Matthew Leone (cause he doesnt have a health insurance just like many musicians) please visit SweetRelief.org or ThroughThePain (The official benefit for Matthew Leone)

Matthew & Nathan Leone was a former football player, they had a scholarships to pursue professional football. Thus, as you know its world wide football season; The World Cup! The last twitter post from Matthew was 18days ago .

Quote of the day "MATTHEW LEONE IS OUR HERO!"

SILENT VOICES KILL

2010-07-05T00:39:00.000+08:00

12.39am............Monday.....5/7/2010

I dont like these feelings I have. These uncertainties. Its killing me inside slowly. These emptiness. There's nothing inside. These nothingness is just screwing with my head. I have nothing to think about, well nothing I care to think about anyway. These silence is driving up the wall! I never liked it. Its dangerous, I might just snap and Bam! dead. Hopefully its that simple though, I dont want to end up crippled in mental hospital in straight jacket. Though sometimes I think I belong in those place. Other times I imagine myself travelling, the sensation's like being on top of the world. But of course, its all in my head.

I'm in total 'cognitive disonance'. Its true, I cant really study psychology because I'm better off being studied by psychologist. Hmm

I'm going AWOL! I dont even know what AWOL means....heard it somewhere, ahh i'm going to google it. wait a sec.
"In military terminology, desertion is the abandonment of a "duty" or post without permission and is done with the intention of not returning. The term AWOL is an acronym for "Absence Without Leave" and can refer to either desertion or a temporary absence."" that's what Wikipedia said. Hmmm

Well I guess suicide is like AWOL too. It is said to live on and on even through hardship and shits like that is our duty owed to God as He's the one who gave us life, thus have the right to take it back. We dont have the right to cut our life short=suicide=AWOL. So you see what I mean?

No, I'm not religious or anything like that. I got that information from the research I did about suicide for my ESL report. So yeah. But I dont get it. If God has plan for all of us, then why some of us commits suicide? Is that part of His plan? If its not, then why did it happen? I really dont get it.

Well I guess I have a lot to crap about didnt I? OH i just need somebody to talk to. I havent have actual human contact in days!! That's how pathetic i am now. Ah I'm always pathetic since forever, so yeah.

Oh yeah.. if you have extra money and have a huge kind loving charitable heart, please donate to Matthew Leone of Madina Lake who's now suffering skull fracture, and broken nose and jaw as he doesnt has a health insurance. The story is that heroic Matthew intervene on a husband beating on his wife when he was on the way to a bar, the husband jumped him when he turn around to call the cops. Dickhead wife-beater battered him badly then left him on the street. SO BE KIND, SAVE A LIFE, DONATE TO HEROIC MATTHEW LEONE! through here: Sweetrelief.org or sweetreliefmusicianfund

Quote of the day "If you have the will you live, you will live! Too bad I lost that will along withmy sanity years back."

SORROWFUL JULY?? That's no way to live a life

2010-07-01T18:46:00.000+08:00

6.49pm........Thursday.......1 July 2010

Its July already. What have I been doing with my life? I'm 18 years and 7 months old and I have no idea where my life is heading. So far, it seems like its going straight into the toilet.

June ends badly with sorrow building up while July begins with bad news. First off, I'm prety sure my dad is serious when he said I should get a job. It would be fine except he didnt even for one second think of my future. I guess he has too much to worry, so much more things are more vitally important that this trash bag, aint it?

Well, contributing to his statement, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do well in SAM. Why? Cause I just screwed up an Account test. Mind Your Own Business computer test. Somehow I can even screw this up even when I'm cheating. Totally fucked up.

(Gosh my dad scared the shit out of me; he just open my room's door. He NEVER come up the third floor, not to mention my room. Well, he caught me not studying or being productive again. FML)

Anyway, moving on. At school just now, about 1pm while I was in The Web attempting to practice MYOB but I end up online anyway. Through twitter from Mat Devine, I found out that Madina Lake's bassist Matthew Leone is hospitalized for being a hero. I mean, he intervened a domestic violence, attempting to save a woman from his husband beating her up. Anyway, the asshole wife-beater jumped on Matthew and beat him till he passed out. The heartless couple just left him unconscious on the street. A third of his skull had to be taken out and he's currently till unconscious on the hospital bed. Nathan wrote a blog to inform us, that's how the news got out. (Madina Swan) Everyone please pray for him and send him positive vibes. I cant imagine Nathan Leone living without Matthew. Thus, I shall not. I believe Matthew will pounce up one fine day and kick that sonofabitch into jail.

Reminder to self: If I dont get to study abroad or live abroad for that matter, I will burn down her house and make sure she and those bitches and bastards light up in flames in that house!! I'll kill myself if I have to, but I will not let them have the end of it. FUCK YOU HOMEWRECKER.

Quote of the day "If you want a good explaination, we're growing up in a fucked up nation SO WE'RE FUCKED UP GENERATION!"

CANT DO IT EVEN IF I WANTED TO

2010-06-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

6.26PM.........mONDAY....21/6/10....

I should be doing that Legal draft as its due on Wednesday. I have 2 days to finish the whole shit and i still dont have the mood to do it. I've been meaning to do it two weeks ago. fuck.

Well, this brings me to today's shittyass topic. I didnt quit SAM after all. I tried. I tried but the freedom is just overwhelming and all my friends' are either in college or form6. I have nobody to hang with even if i quit. I tried quitting SAM to be a fucking hippy, but being a hippy does not exactly has a promising future. I'd even thought of getting a music degree and become a damn music teacher (cause what else you can do with a degree in music?!) even though the pay is probably average-low and the future is not exactly what i hope for, but if luck's with me, i might join a passionate band and do what i always wanted; Tour in US/Europe. But lets face it, that's just too much to hope for. I really wanted to have a touring experience even though its not as fun as it sounds like and there are probably next to no hygiene at all.

Then again, i could study law and become a lawyer of some sort. That brings us back to SAM, i need to pass a pre-U program to continue on a degree on Law. Shit. I cant even pass a Pre-U program, how am I gotta pass a degree on Law?! Then again, what's bringing me down and have been my worst nightmare is Math. Math was never my best subject, I'm lucky I even pass math in SPM, oh wait i think I aced it. But SPM's Math is different from SAM's. SAM's Math is advance add-matth. I drop out on addmath in highschool cause i cant stand the failure. Fuck, now its back to haunt me. BLOOODY FUCKING MATH LEAVE ME A FUCK ALONE. But thank god, Law degree does not require passing Math. Psychology does, that's why i even took math in the first place. Total regrets! fuckkkkk

Anyway, I tend to get out of topic. Just now, a lady from Taylor's Office called me regarding my failure in Math, reminding me that I'm obligated to Pass or was it Ace Math to stay in SAM. If i wish to continue, just simply write a fucking letter to the office. I hate having to reconsider the options that I've already made up my mind for. Obviously, I've chosen to stay. But with all the mass and the pressure I felt for just one week of coming back to school, it really made me wonder why the fuck am I still doing there?! But then again, where am I going to go if I wasnt there? What am I to do if I quit? I still have to go through a pre-U program or foundation to get to Degree courses.
Its just so damn confusing and frustrating. I need help, but i'm an idiot that doesnt know where to seek those helps. fuckmylife.

Quote of the day " I just need something that will take me away To help me disconnect to get you off my mind, I just need something that will give me the strength to get away from you To escape from here "

LIBERATION

2010-06-14T04:51:00.000+08:00

4.51a.m.........Monday.........14/6/10

Its wee hour of the day and my heart cant stop smiling. Yes, I'm off the hook (for now at least). I quit Self-Abusing Matriculation! I dont fucking care now. Well I do, but lets just savior the moment while we still can. Gosh, I've not felt so liberating since the beginning of last year. I was very neurotic for SPM and same goes to deciding my future studies where I stumble on to SAM (bad bad baddd idea).

Well I was fucking anxious about quiting SAM because I think I can pass but I know passing wont be enough, and the fact that I havent told my father. Now that I did and the fact that he's so nonchalant about it made me feel so much better.

I'm glad to say SAYONARA Australian Highschool program!! Fuck you very much Mathematic!!

I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
its time to listen to LIBERATION TRANSMISSION! (Lost Prophets)

Oh! I think I'm going to finally learn to play guitar and may be bass guitar too!

Qoute of the day "Dare to take chances."

IT'S A SICKNESS THESE OBSESSION ISSUE ON MINE

2010-06-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

9.43PM............Tuesday......8/6/10

Woke up this evening feeling like crap. you know? those feelin' you get when you know today's gonna suck. I dont know, maybe its the whole sleep all day and stay awake allnight thing? Yeah, I'm now sleeping at 8 in the morning and waking up at about 5-6 pm. I love my messed up time, maybe mainly because I dont have peeps to hang with in my waking hours anyway. If you havent figure it out, I'm not much as to close to being a 'social butterfly'. Damn i hate those insects. Nah, I'm just kidding ;)

Anyhoo, it did turn out to be a bad day. I didnt get anything done. My chores and homework are piling up at the back of my mind, just sitting there sadly and growing bloody lots of spiderwebs, you know? (ah use your bloody imagination).

Currently, I've picked up another obsession. I really dont like it when I get too emotionally attach to things especially human beings that's probably billions of miles away. You know, you get those feelin' like you can relate to those people or you just really like their handsome face and attitude, I dont know. Yup, I'm obsessed with Madina Lake. Its a band, FYI. A pretty awesome band. Bet you dont know the band's name 'MADINA LAKE' was named after a fictional 1950's based town. Yup, its that cool and they built their music on that basis. I find it very interesting and creative.

MADINA LAKE consist of twin brothers Nathan Leone on vocal and Matthew Leone on bass guitar, Danial Torelli on drums and Mateo Carmalo on lead guitar. Fun fact: Nathan and Matthew was in the Fear Factor on the twin season, yeah and they won.

I originally think Madina Lake's some hardcore rock band cause I saw them on these metal band magazines so I didnt take much notice of them until I got a couple of song from a friend and I like it. Then my bestfriend was suddenly into them so I checked them out. Now i cant stop listening to them. FYI, I have an obssesion issue. Honestly, I get obsessed with shits that doesnt matter. I mean, bands and music and tours. Puh-leaseee, who cares right? When you're in this shit hole country where music scene and music career are probably at the bottom of the chain, your music obsession is stupid and useless. I gotta get the shit outta here FAST. My sanity is decreasing by the minute!!

I think I have a thing for blondies and twins. First was Chester Bennington, he actually has dark brown hair but I fell for him when he had his hair dyed blond. Still love him though. Then Matt Devine from Chicago based band Kill Hannah, he's just really down to earth and deep. Tom Kaulitz, he's a dirty blonde and a twin ;) Yumm... and then there's Bryan Donahue a strawberry blonde. Still cant get over Bryan Donahue and now I'm back in love with Tom Kaulitz. And now the Leone twins, Nathan and Matthew are just so lovable. They're these kind of people walking around loving life. It can be a pain in ass seeing them being so casual and making fun of everything. I absolutely adore their smile and humour.

Welcome To Oblivion is one of the best.

Lets Get Outta Here is one of my favourite of all. You should check out their song LEGENDS too, it has the whole dancing vibe going on.

Quote of the day "Any kind of addiction is bad. Any kind at all. Obsession is just as worst."

TOKIO HOTEL INTERVIEWS IN ASIA

2010-06-06T18:22:00.000+08:00

6.23pm.....Sunday....6/6/2010.

I woke up this afternoon to the bright sunshine streaming into my room, I'm quite convinced that I woke up cause I'm hungry. Anyway, I guess I had Tokio Hotel in mind cause the next thing I do after searching for food was Youtube Tokio Hotel. And I found a couple of interviews they did when they were in Asia, specifically, Malaysia.

I found out that Malaysia was the second Asian country they land in. And probably the first country they had a live concert. Now I'm beginning to appreciate my country. Dont get me wrong, I stil dont want to stay here for long. :)

Q: Who is the naughtiest between you two twins?
Tom: I'm the naughty guy. *adorable*(look at his cheeky smile!)

Q: How is your Ideal girl like?
Tom: He (George) has a girlfriend, that a sad news for everyone. George has a girlfriend. =D

Q:When will your music video be out?

Q:What do you like besides music?
Tom *interupts Bill* :I like fishing.
*giggles*
Bill: Fishing? yeah. *roll eyes*
Tom: Fishing good. (girls) *cheeky smile*

Q: What are the monsters/nightmares from your childhood?
Bill: For me, it was a nightmare to go to school...... (Man, I feel you. I feel you!)
Tom: ...we dreamed the same dream, and it was about a bad witch..
Bill: Yeah, it was about a bad witch who killed our parents...
Tom: ...nightmare when we were really young and we had the same nightmare.

Q: If you had to describe yourself without the mention of Tokio Hotel, What would you say?
Tom: I would describe me as a really nice cutie, beautiful fabulous boy.
Bill: I would say Gustav is bitchy.
Gustav: Total bullshit.

So far, I think Hunny did the best interview when Tokio Hotel was in Malaysia. There was no tension of some sort and the conversation was smooth. And she asked all the right questions I guess. The interview is rather funny.

I didnt know people actually do that, stalking bands all the way to Malaysia. These Australian girls stalked Tokio Hotel all the way to Malaysia. They had it all documented in this little video. Not bad tho.
I thought there were only like a thousand of people came to see Tokio Hotel that night cause when I leave the crowd before the concert was over, there were only like a few hundreds of fans left. But judging from what I can see from this video, I was wrong and there are a lot of Tokio Hotel fans in Malaysia.

Like I said before, Malaysia was the second Asia country Tokio Hotel landed, the first was Singapore. (damn, they beat us at everything dont they!?) I dont think they had a gig there, did they? Anyway, I like this interview, there was a more professional feel from it and the sound is soo damn clear. The boys English is so good.

I guess that's all I want to show you. From all the interviews I've watched, it seem that all their answer was the same, well maybe because those dumb interviewers that didnt do their homework kept asking the same damn questions.

Quote of the day: "I want to be a Billionaire so freaking bad."

KAULITZ TWINS TRASH TALK THEMSELVES

2010-06-04T05:15:00.000+08:00

5.16am.....Thursday.....4/6/2010

I love holiday. Look, just a few days I've already posted more blog entry then I did for the months before this. S.A.M totally sucks! Sucks the life out of me. Damn it.

Anyways, take a look at this video clip. Yeah I know, you're probably rolling your eyes thinking "oh another one of her stupid obsession with some bands and wants me to watch that stupid Youtube video to convince me to like that dumb band."

Well, no, This video's different. Its not just hilarious, its saddening.

I mean, how often do you see 'famous' people TRASH TALK THEMSELVES?? Seriously. Just load that video and look. Its rather cynical and sarcastic in a way. They way they criticized themselves in third person point of view in a way reflects their self-esteem and the fact that they're being critic just because they made it and living their dream in the music industries.

Quote of the day "HEADS UP! Just keep walking."

isnt it ironic that i'm giving 'encouraging'/positive quote when i'm so damn negative all the time?? heh ;) I cant take my own advice for some reason.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CAR

2010-06-02T22:23:00.000+08:00

10.28pm.............Wednesday......2/6/2010

I'm not quite sure when when exactly is my car's one year anniversary but the road tax expired today. So i guess this is it! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CAR. I'm sorry i put water in your engine, i was naive and very stupid, still am completely lost about machines though. And i'm sorry i let bastards who doesnt know how to fucking steer hit your body. And i'm sorry i handle you so roughly, you're just not my type. Hah.

Quote of the day "Start small, you'll get there eventually."